Sometimes… one can go years in a marriage before realizing… there’s a fork in this road. One realizes they’re wanting to go in a different direction. And suddenly… the entire picture of life begins to look so much more brighter… simpler… happier.
Such became the case in my journey to reclaim Teresa. I reached a point where the stress in the struggle had affected me physically… to the point of taking anti-depressants… anxiety meds… and then came blood pressure meds.
Time was closing in on me. A decision to move to Missouri was racing on the calendar. And I wanted to wrap an anchor onto a pier… more and more… every day I awoke. But when the blood pressure meds came into the picture… I knew I had to sort out and find my strength to decide which direction I was going.
By then… I had so many reasons why I did not want to move to Missouri. This marriage was sucking life out of me. Moving to Missouri would isolate me even more… bringing me to my death much sooner. And I’d decided I wanted to come back alive… and live.
People grow… and change. We all do. And it’s not fair for one person to have the comforts of growing in their own journey… while expecting the other to conform… at the expense of leaving their true self way back… years behind. Time lost. Soul damaged. One thread left for hanging on.
Especially when an angel has come onto the scene… and reminded you of who… you really are. I mean… if that doesn’t bring you a wake-up call… God take you on home.
It just felt like pure common sense to make my case and ask for a divorce. I was finished with life being all about convenience for someone else… at the expense of my health… well-being and happiness.
I was scheduled to see my doctor 3 days later… for a regular follow-up. We never got through the usual routine. Being granted a divorce had my blood pressure drop… too low! My doctor took me off the blood pressure med. We expect I’ll be able to stop taking my other two meds once the divorce matters are all in the past.
Amicable. Fair. That will be this divorce. He’s just happy that I’m not wanting to clean his clock out. I’m shocked that he wants to continue raising cattle. He says they’re his kids. Nobody can take these kids away from him. Believe me. I get that. If that’s what makes him happy… I’m happy for him.
But I deserve to be happy… just as much. And I have so many reasons to feel excited about getting that chance!
Breaking away… True Self… Amicable… Fair… Truths… Self-Love… Self-Respect… Happiness… Joy… New Love… etc..
These… and many more… are all good things that each of us deserve to embed in our lives while we’re here. There is no law that says we must give up these things… for anyone else. Nor should we ever think we are entitled to snuff out those same candles in any other good soul.
Take time to examine how much of these good things you have in your life. If you find any missing… make time. Make the effort. Feed your soul with the goodness it deserves.
Remember…. you are Love. Be kind to yourself. And be kind to others.
My Morning's Heart 