I’m one of those people that try to handle my own crap. This ‘amicable’ divorce has been one of them. I’ve been fairly silent while trying to handle things. But I’m backed against a wall and can no longer stay silent.
I need Angels. It’s time to step out of the box… like a Rebel.
When we discussed divorce in November, 2018… his very first move next morning was to go to work and contact Benefits and have his Beneficiary changed over to his nephew. A few days later… he cried… begged me to help him with the cattle until March, 2019. I agreed.
March came. My part of the deal was completed. I went to find a job. I guess he was shocked that I got the job I wanted. Who knows. All I know is what happened next. He became very nasty.
Like everything else… the idea of looking at me to get the ball rolling on an idea that fell into his head. His idea was his decision… as far as he was concerned. Papers would be printed off the Internet, we would sign them, get one attorney… to file the papers… and I would just leave with whatever he didn’t want to take with him to Missouri.
And that included every dime he hid in another bank account without giving me access.
In the meantime… he paid off the loan he got on a Zero-turn mower that appeared out of nowhere in our basement garage. He spent a few grand on his 1-ton Ram Dually.
He paid off the KIA Soul (he said the balance was around $6,000.00)… which was HIS choice for me to have for a car of my own. He paid it off. But has refused to put the car in my name. And then forced me to pay for renewing the tags this year.
His decision to walk away from the house and let it foreclose changed… after I had put up with him pushing me to find the attorney to get the papers printed and filed… yada, yada.
“When are you gonna get busy? When are we gonna do this?” That has ALWAYS… WITHOUT FAILURE… meant in reality… when would me, myself and I… make whatever fell into in his head happen.
Well… I made things happen. I went and got an attorney. And that… thoroughly… pissed… him… off. Bottom line, he never expected me to become a little wise.
Hindsight is 20-20, always. And when I look back now… I should have packed suitcases for Jen and myself and forced him to pay for plane tickets back to California… when his 16 year old daughter informed me that the divorce between him and her mother was not final… first month we were living in Tennessee. He had lied to me. I believed him. I trusted him. I gave in to moving to Tennessee to build a life with him.
THIS will NEVER happen to me… ever again.
Once he knew I’d gone to retain an attorney…. he realized I’d been informed of all my rights in the distribution of marital assets. His first thought was of not having the cash he thought he’d have for buying his big farm in Missouri. He’d have to get a loan. He’d need to keep his credit intact. (Of course… I’d been told for years, “You don’t need to worry about your credit score.”)
So he changes his mind and decides to put the house up for sale. Without saying a word to me… knowing that my name is on the Deed to the house… I come home from work one evening and he tells me that he needs me to help him get the house ready because somebody’s coming to look at the house. He had already hooked up with Real Estate Agents. They had already been to our house… while I was at work.
People ask me why I signed the papers given to me by him and the real estate agents. Trust me… there are realities to the truth that you would not be able to wrap your head around. I am learning about a person I married and never knew existed.
The only action he performed in March was putting in his retirement notice… never telling me until the last week of March. All our insurance fell out at the end of April.
I’m working an average of 16-hours-per-week at Home Depot, making $11.00 per hour. Jennifer’s off on one of her little unbalanced moments in life. And frankly… I can’t handle her drama right now. I have no other family here.
I have no friends. That’s another thing he managed to accomplish. Isolating me from all his coworkers and acquaintances. But… I can say this. After working for that Airline for 27 years… his last day was like every other day there. Not even a cake. No thank-you… nothing.
I’m not able to go to my doctor for checkups. I’m paying for my therapy appointment. I have to pay for my meds… all this compliments of everything I’ve endured with him. I was able to stop taking my blood pressure meds 2 days after asking for the divorce. But my blood pressure has been back up and I can’t afford to go to the doctor to get checked out.
I’ve had to pay for gas in the car. I’m probably gonna have pay for insurance… and God knows what else now.
All the photos I’ve posted on my Facebook page and Instagram… of all the things I’ve done in my life here, while married to this man. Handling cattle by myself. Raising vegetables and chickens for eggs and food to can, freeze and dehydrate. All the errands… grocery shopping, trips to Costco… covering up to 5 counties in East Tennessee to find vaccines… even feed at times.
Having to get a neighbor to help me cart a newborn calf into the barn during a nasty storm loaded with lightning. Coaxing the bull back into his paddock after he broke through the fence. Mowing acreage because it grew too fast before his next day off.
Laundry… cleaning… cooking… too busy for making new friends. While he was pulling pranks on coworkers inside a hangar. If I called for help… “I’m at work. I can’t leave.”
And dealing with it all… around shift changes during the year… which forced me to work around it… or… wait around it… and led to me being the one getting the least amount of sleep. Finally… I put a stop to me getting up at 2:30am to fix his damn lunches. I decided it was time for him to be a big boy and fix his own damn lunches… so I could get some sleep.
I came home from work this past Friday evening. Found a Penske Moving Box Truck in the yard. He left out of here on Saturday. Said he’d be back for the rest of his things and the cows in a week.
Every time I’ve asked him for money to help me move… his answer has been, “My attorney says, No.”
We close on August 2, 2019. I sit here packing and going to work… knowing I have to bring a minimum of $500.00 with me to the Mediation… which was scheduled on August 13th (soooo conveniently) by HIS attorney…. AFTER the closing on the house.) Yesterday I was informed the date for Mediation has now been moved up to mid-September.
I need Angels. Are there any out there?
My Morning's Heart 