Back when I was living in Maryville, Tennessee… I loved going to Metro Pizza. I live too far to head there on a weekly basis… like I would have done… had I been divorced then.
Sal. I adored him! He’d sit at a table with his beer… while he let his ‘students’ practice all he’d taught them. Yeah… beer. Ha!
I struggled with eating my Calzone while keeping one eye on him. I liked paying attention to him. He was funny! He was VERY charming! And I could tell… he was very wise.
I’d love the chance to sit and talk with him right now. I’d drive him crazy with questions. I think the first question would be, “Tell me, Sal. What were the difficulties of your life in Italy that pushed you to cross oceans and come all the way here to this gluttonous nation?”
I have no idea what the details would be. But… I’d bet on relating to the core in the body of his childhood.
This is something we all have in common… no matter where we come from… no matter where our childhood existed.
If one removes labels… removes status. Imagine us all as humans that become adults walking out of this enclosed courtyard… through giant wooden doors that fit castles… to venture out into the open world that we’ve been gifted. If we all become honest enough to look deeply and long enough… we’d discover PTSD in each and every one of us… on some level or another.
Geographical circumstances bear no difference.
It’s difficult when you are a human being that has taken the time to deal with your own. Taking that journey to find your truth… reclaim yourself… stand in your power that you’ve removed from the hands of others.
The challenge is incredible… treacherous… painful… even frightening. The ultimate accomplishment sits inside mustering up the courage… to jump off many cliffs… just to feel the solid ground under your feet.
Getting to the other side of it all… priceless AND precious.
Welcoming those mornings of waking up to feeling peace… joy… excitement… gratitude… thankfulness… love. All being gifted to yourself… before you take that next breath that will set you off to sharing with anyone else on the planet and into the universe.
It’s called Self-love. The reward for healing the inner-child… so you can fulfill the other half of the universe’s intention. Sharing all that love you have… to give… and receive… with a partner in life.
This world conditions us with so many restrictive and negative nonsensical ‘rules of engagement’ for being a human being. The truth behind it all… Just follow the money and follow the history. Some things never change. And too many generations have never been trained to consider the fact that manipulative practices have existed since Day One. The difference is… the last word that God always gets… is always good.
God has tried cleaning up the mess until He’s blue in the face. He tried the flood. He sent Jesus. You never saw Jesus shoving an offering plate in everybody’s face. But he sure knew how to stretch a few fish and loaves of bread among the multitudes sitting right there at His feet. And he never got a day off to go to Belize.
God even tried throwing in the Book of Revelations. (That’s been twisted from a father’s fair warning into a solid telling of the future… also for the sake of that offering plate) by churches… who preach that fortune telling is a sin… from one side of their mouth… while shoving it down your throat that you better get under the covers with their church because everything in Revelations is prophesized as a definite event… coming out of the other side of their mouth.
Think about that one.
Did you ever experience… one day in your life as a child… when your father told you… “I want you home by 7pm tomorrow night… because I’m going to take you to an inch from your death.” ????????
Now… correct me if I’m wrong. But I believe father’s practiced fair warnings from the time you could crawl. “Don’t touch that. It’ll burn your fingers.”
“I’ll smack your fingers if you touch that plug.”
“I’ll whip your butt if you break a window in this house.”
“I’ll leave your butt in jail, if you get stupid enough to put yourself in there.”
IF….
Beyond the Book of Revelations… I think God has given us free will to choose killing each other off. Are you seeing this truth, yet?
Think about that. I need to get back on topic.
We all end up with a little bit of PTSD coming out of childhood. Every family has their own closet filled with skeletons. No escaping that. Because we’re all human beings.
And nobody is perfect.
Our hope lies within ourselves. Finding that one thread we can pull… that will begin to unravel all the nasty woven conditioning that has robbed us from being able to recognize and reunite with our true authentic self…. The absolute secret to finding the path of love… to heal our inner-child… so we can love ourselves… and others. So we can feel safe about choosing a prospective life partner that we want to fall in love with… share reciprocity.
My journey has taken me to so many answers. So much clarity. So many rewards. Peace. Calmness. A loving heart without lack of trust. Courage. Strength. Finding my value. Standing in my truth without fear. Knowing and honoring what is best for me. Living my life for the highest good of all. Serving others.
That last one is a very difficult one for me at the moment. Painful.
To reach this side and get a good taste of it all. You only want to help someone else get a taste of it. But…
What do you do… when you know in your heart… there is a particular person that has absolutely no reason not to trust you… believe you… feel safe enough to just unload everything crossing their mind into your lap while you just listen?
What do you do… when you just know? You’ve put yourself in an imaginary scenario where you’re forced to make a choice. And you can actually claim… without a second thought… “Yeah. I could do it.” You would die for them.
But they’re too afraid to stop running from having to feel anything in that safe haven.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence.
And right now… I’m leaning on my favorite slogans I learned in Al-a-teen.
“Let go and Let God.”
“One Day at a Time.”
“Teresa… are you referring to the man you’re divorcing?”
Are you joking? I would have to be out of my ever-loving mind to do something like that. I’m getting out of a marriage that’s been more dead than The Dead Sea for over a decade.
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Never again. NOT happening. He is in God’s hands.
I choose living in my truth.
I pray. I breathe… while standing in faith. I send my love through the universe. And I wait for them to catch up in their own journey. I stand firm in believing and trusting God’s seeing to it that they do so. Because they… truly… deserve to feel love and happiness.
“This… or something better… now manifests for me… in divine… appropriate timing.”
(Thank you, Colette!)
My Morning's Heart 