Difficult.  Emotions running so deeply.  Confusion.  I’m not happy with how things are between us.

I try so hard to be patient.  Understanding he is going through his own stuff.  I have no problem with that.  My problem is the fact that he will not communicate with me.

He cannot see that I can be a friend… as well as a partner.  To help each other heal.  To help each other see other perspectives.  To help each other recognize the obstacles in our paths… so each of us can work through our own issues.

Just having that support can make all the difference in the world.

His dead air pushes my patience.  Leaves me questioning whether I should hold on to hope and faith.  Remain loyal to him.  Or… should I walk away?

Does he care how devastating it would be for me to walk away?

I could do it.  I know I would survive this.  But I know I would never be the same.

I know there would be much of me that would die inside.  This frightens me.  This late in my life… after all the lost love I have endured throughout the years.  I know me.  I would not ever care to ever love again.

There comes a time when a beautiful heart becomes too tired.

He cannot see… or, he does not care… how it hurts to feel he does not feel safe or secure enough to come to me as a friend to help him deal with his pain.

To give him different perspectives.  To give him support and encouragement for facing those issues we all face about ourselves that can be so difficult to look at and work on.

To do so in a gentle and compassionate way.

I feel we are… both… strong enough to accomplish this.

There is something so strong inside me that tells me this is why we came to know each other… from the very beginning.  To help each other heal.  To be in each other’s corner.  To be that honesty with gentleness and compassion that only encourages us to overcome our pain.

To journey through it all with each other and become two incredible human beings on the other side.

It’s not a deep dive into some shallow love relationship I’m looking for.  Hot and heavy on the scale of similarity to hooking up in some nightclub.  Walking out the door at closing time… thoughtlessly heading into a tornado that only dies off in a short period of time.

Not that they all turn out that way.  But too many do.  And I want nothing like that.

My prayer is for a reality in the lives of two people who need to heal and want to become the very best that the Divine intended for each of them.

To be courageous enough to allow each other inside for offering raw objectivity.  Helping one another see issues and obstacles we’re not able to see in ourselves.

Being that needed support that gives each other that safe feeling and courage to overcome issues causing us pain and/or confusion.

Being able to look at one another as we scratch off one more issue from that list… and feel we are looking at the one person that makes us want to knock out that entire list… so easily.  Taking a moment to soak in all those wonderful feelings it gives us to realize this.

He cannot see I do have a life.  He cannot see I am very busy myself… with daily tasks and working on my own goals.  Making my own personal dreams become real.  Working on me as much as I can.

But he also cannot see the mountains I could climb with a smile… the doubled joy in my heart… that incredible load of energy and enthusiasm… simply by having communication with him on a regular basis.

And he cannot see the same difference it could bring for him.  If only he would let me.

All I can do on my own is put this in the hands of The Divine and The Universe.  And continue to pray for him.  Beyond that… there is only one truth I know for sure about us.

So much to walk away from.  Too much.