Iron Butterfly

This stay home thing… while this world fights with Covid-19… has given me a lot of time for examining my current personal space in this lifetime.

It’s had a great impact on turning my perspective toward an entirely different direction.

But I can feel this Full Moon in Libra.  Literally.  I can feel it.  Inside me.  All this mental processing moving and swirling… recreating me.  It’s like… sitting there watching a salon stylist transform a homeless guy that hasn’t shaved or had a haircut in over 5 years.

I like what I’m feeling.  I’m just not so sure a lot of other people that have come in and out of my life will like it.

The Doormat has left the building!  The contractor has come in and tiled the front entry of my life.  And you better take your friggin’ shoes off before you step inside!

People go through experiences that can leave them forever changed.  People that have come in and out of my life may begin to notice this in me.

I’ve taken time to look at all my experiences in various interactions with specific people in my life.  Different scenarios.  Different reasons.  Good and bad.

My transformation in my journey has consumed so many issues in my life.  A certain fact stands before me at this time.

For so many years… I was there for others.  Because that’s who I was.  That’s who I would love to be.

But my kindness and generosity were seen as a weakness.

And my love was run over by trains.

So much that I became tapped out.  There was nothing left inside me to give.  To anyone… or… anything.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  Not even physically.

Not even to a marriage that had been nothing but a give… give… give experience for me… for over a decade… until I woke up one morning in my bed having this strong feeling of fear inside me.

I had a serious moment where I wasn’t so sure I had physical strength to get out of that damn bed.  And that was when I knew… I needed to make a serious change in my life.

The world says… “You must own half the blame.  You allowed it.”

I say… “Roll over and die.  Because there is no wrong in being kind and generous.”  The wrong sits in the lap of the one that chooses to abuse it.

I’ve only relocated from Athens to the Knoxville area over the past couple of months.  I’ve loved living in East Tennessee… ever since I first moved here in 2001.  Barely finished unpacking everything but the garage… when we’ve all encountered this nightmare with Covid-19.

But I look forward to finding new friends with common interests… once we all gain freedom to venture out without risk again.

I can easily claim at this moment…  Until you take time to sit at a table with me while having coffee and just chatting in the future… you do not know me from Adam.

I don’t care who you are.  You don’t know me anymore.  And I don’t know you.

Again… people go through experiences in their lives that forever change them.

To all those I’ve been there for before…  Thank You for all the lessons.