Category: Divorce

If anyone has ever paid attention to my blog postings.

If anyone who knows me… has ever paid attention to anything I say.

If anyone I have ever shared conversations with… has genuinely taken into account whatever I have shared.

Then you will recognize what I am about to say.

Very little has ever been mentioned… about my birth father.

Because he never made a sole effort to inject himself into my life.

Even as a child… it was me who had to reach out… to him.

And I got lucky with being able to do that.

It was my Dad… the man that raised me as his own… from the time I was 16 months old… who made it possible.

However… he insisted on telling me… what he decided I should know about my birth father.

I was only 9 years old then.

I had found a letter from my birth father’s second wife… explaining away not being able to pay child support.

Maybe I was only 9 years old.  But I could do simple math.

I was the oldest kid in the family.  And I was the only one that never got sunburns and peeled in the summer.

I now understand the pride in my Dad… blowing off the child support.

I can almost hear him say, “I don’t need that S.O.B.’s money.  I’m doing okay raising her myself.”

Me standing on the bed… him standing at the foot of the bed in their bedroom.

Holding my arms gently… telling me… his version of the story.

He’s passed on to the other side now.  He knows I know the truth now.

He knows I know… that he never met the man in his whole life.

But he knows the whole story.  Right?

I know.  I’m laughing, too.

Anyway…

At the end of the conversation… I asked if I would ever get to meet the man.

He promised I could… if we ever moved back to California.

I was 16 years old… when I got that opportunity to meet my birth father for the first time.

Finally… I could look in the mirror and see the other half of myself.

But fulfilling that promise came as a harsh blow to my Dad’s ego.

He felt as if all he’d given to raising me meant nothing.

His pain came out by way of violence… with the help of alcohol.

I have never forgotten that night… after coming back home from that visit.

At 16 years old… I felt like everything was my fault… simply because I wanted to meet this other man… so I could see who I looked like.

Things were never the same.  In some ways… things became much worse.

The healing between my Dad and I came after he divorced the girl that gave birth to me.

That real father-daughter relationship… actually showed up.

Sadly… it happened 2.5 months before he was killed by a drunk driver.

But he will always be my Dad.

As a man… he was aware of the clout this world gives a man… compared to any woman.

He used it… to do something he never had to do.

He gave me the guidance of a father… flawed as it may have been.

Flawed as it always is.  Parenting does NOT come with any manual.

But I am forever grateful for having my Dad.

There are babies that grow up in this world and become adults that carry flaws to the end of their journey.

Yet… one can look back and see the efforts they DID try to make… to do better… to be better.

But then… there are babies that come into this world… become adults and choose to remain stagnant throughout and to the end of their journey.

Some of us are born and grow up.  Some of us are born and only age.

My Dad did the best he could with all the knowledge he had… even when he didn’t have to.

My hope is that this will awaken some young minds to understanding how accountability enters our lives.

We enter this world as babies.  Initially… there are a woman AND a man… given with expectations… the positions of raising us until we reach the phase of adulthood.

Mainly because it takes a sperm and a womb to get us here.

Pay attention to the fact that I put the sperm in front of the womb.

Let that sink in.

This jacked up world has created a lousy bowl of gumbo in society that has generations growing up and giving no serious consideration… to the significance… of how we all get to this world.

And above all else… WHY.

Way too much confusion for babies and kids.

We all ask to come to this world.

But NONE OF US… ever sign up for THAT.

That’s WHY we have parents… who choose to take on the task of guiding us to adulthood… once we are conceived by their choice they both made… to make us possible.

“Just because you can… never means you should.”

For a lack of a better term for understanding… I refer to parents as parental authorities.

I leave it in a general sense because not all children have a heterosexual set… or even a full set… of parents living under the same roof throughout their entire childhood.

But let me make this personal opinion very clear.

This world seems to bash LGBT COUPLES for wanting to raise children.

To that I say it’s time to examine the insecurity that arises every time you consider the subject.

Why are you so afraid?

You lacking in something for which they exude fine detailing?

No judgement.  Simply a question.

As children we see certain adults raising us as parental figures with authority.  And we are expected to respect and obey.

We are supposed to be able to trust them as well.  But that’s another conversation.

That’s not what we’re talking about here.

Anyway…

Too many of us are growing up with such a mix-mash of parental authority figures.

We are expected to adhere to the guidance of parental authority… until we reach that phase in our lives of adulthood.

Once we walk through those doors… that entire picture changes.

All those choices… are on us.

And yes.

We have a problem with parents who are confused… very confused… about that line where they must STOP… stand behind… and wave farewell… to giving all their instruction… as well as… holding expectations from us… any longer.

That’s where our first struggle with finding our true selves in our personal journey begins.

My birth father was… a teenager… still living at home with his mother.

By the time I was 9 years old… he was 27.

Wow.  I just now realized… he was the same age as my Dad.

That impacts my thoughts… feelings… everything I’ve realized about the man… even more.

People can argue about what I am about to say next… forever.  But deep down inside… everybody knows in their heart… this is the God’s honest truth.

This world still struggles with men refusing to allow women to be considered Queens.

Not only that.  But… Queens with intelligence.

Governmental… organizational… business sectors.  Even many religious sectors.  Men in these positions have a really insecure mindset that makes them feel threatened by… women.

And for the record… Eve was just another relative of all the women living in this world today.

Seriously.  Do some simple math.  This is… the year 2020.

Anyway… all these sectors have no problem putting more focus and effort into pressing down women… before and rather than… putting that focus and effort into other issues… that can sustain a whole collective.

Power.  Authority.  And it receives all the money and other material riches to make the world go round.

It is what it is… and it remains… in this year of 2020… which is downright pathetic.

With all that said…

This issue has everything to do with the responsibility of boys becoming men.

And in my case… there came a time when my birth father had the world standing behind him… and giving him… everything he needed… to inject himself into my life.

Giving him.  He had it made.

With two exceptions.  His focus and effort.

He was warmly welcomed into learning the craft of a machinist in tool and dye.  Earning that paycheck that buys the house and provides for the whole family.

You think any mother would receive the same?

That gave him all the power in the world to make choices.  Act on decisions.

He chose.  He cowed to another woman.  He chose.  No action toward his child.

This world needs to stop looking at women to do everything a man doesn’t feel like messing with… in relationships… and at home.

Because babies are being born.  It takes a woman… AND a man… to make that happen.

The Divine expects the woman AND the man that conceive that child… to guide that child until they move into that phase of adulthood… regardless of whether or not they ever choose to separate in life.

BOTH… are accountable for making damn sure… BOTH are allowed to do so… without any interference.

It’s time to stop family members and others in their circle from interfering in your role as a parent.

It’s time for YOU to stop using a child as a weapon… and/or for manipulation and control in your own journey.

It’s time for all those Governmental… Organizational… Business… AND Religious sectors… to STOP all the biased… half-ass effort.

It’s time to get behind BOTH… the sperm AND the womb…  FOR the baby born from it… ALL the way… in EVERY way of human rights that sustain their lives.

If you want a reason for why we’re all facing this Corona-virus and social distance from one another…

HERE IT IS!!

IT’S TIME FOR THIS WHOLE WORLD… to put its focus and attention on the protection of human rights of every baby coming into this world… and BOTH of their parents… regardless of their gender… their color… their religion… their sexual preference… as well as their predisposed societal judgment on this planet.

Truth be told… YOU need ALL THREE of them… just as much as anybody else in this world.