Love – Page 2 – My Morning's Heart

Forever a Milestone for Me – 2019

Deep lessons I learned this year, which came with great sacrifice and loss. But compensation was taking back my power and finding Teresa.

I can only pray for others that no longer understand me and/or want to be around me… and hope life and the universe bring them around to choosing to heal themselves.

I love them all. But the cycles needed to stop somewhere. Cleansing needed to begin somewhere.

One man wasn’t my only problem. I brought my own issues to the table. And there were others involved.

Adult children in this country need to wake up and look at themselves. I’m not alone when I say this. I’m hearing parents of grown children everywhere saying the very same thing.

It blows my mind. It breaks my heart. For all of us.

None of us is perfect. We never reach any particular age and know it all. Learning never ends for any of us… including parents.

The fork in the road led me to two choices of paths. I took the better road. They don’t know. I was one hair away from checking out. Nobody would ever get to have me ever again… if I couldn’t have myself.

So there. I chose hope.

I learned we all asked for this experience of Life on this planet. We had to get here some way. God made a way. All He expects is for us to be guided until we become adults.

I learned nobody is perfect. Many fail at being guides. There is no manual.

But we all get a second chance. It’s called becoming an adult.

That’s when we have the freedom to choose seeking healing to exude that unique soul inside each one of us… that we bring to this life… and take with us when we leave.

Until every one of us finds that healing… we will never have that reunion. And ‘We’ is every soul on this planet… especially families.

I learned about real love.

I found real love in me.

I learned TRUTH.

I learned how to become free from being mentally conditioned… manipulated… controlled.

I witnessed hope in a 16 year old young lady that set this world on its toes… as she traveled all around the world… lighting fires in hearts that DO CARE… EXPECT TRUTH… DESERVE TRUTH… EXPECT CHANGE… DESERVE CHANGE… for the HIGHEST GOOD OF ALL.

Greta gave me courage. Strength. Hope.

And speaking of…

Strength. Self-Worth. Value. Fair Boundaries. Peace. Tranquility. Balance. Happiness.

Goals I have reached!

I pray this hits home for so many others. If you’re hurting… Seek an Empath. Seek a Spiritual Healer. Seek a Reiki Healer. Google the words. You’ll never regret it.

Learn the TRUTH about Tarot. It saved my life.

Happy New Year, everyone!

2020 is gonna be so awesome!

*** “Serendipity” – Card #18 from Wisdom of The Oracle Deck by Colette Baron-Reid. (Click here) to read the meaning of the card.

My Lines are Never Blurred

Unlike that photo above, for sure! WordPress really needs to work on their transfer of media into their libraries. It goes south.

My lines for my boundaries may extend a little further than some people. Never the less… I do… have strict and specific lines drawn for my boundaries.

Those lines do protect a strong portion of details within a relationship whenever I am involved with a man.

I think I can safely say… any details I have shared out in the open in this blog are… simply… what can be expected… after a man has given plenty of effort into leaving me feeling betrayed… after leaving me behind on what was nothing more than a one-lane road.

Any kind of a relationship comes with its own value. That value is determined by efforts made by two people… both people.

Never would I claim to be perfect. God knows… I am the first to acknowledge that fact. And that’s why I’m so involved in healing myself.

I’m constantly looking forward and heading in the direction for becoming the best human being possible… from the inside out.

Others may feel no need to strive for self-improvement. To that… “God bless ya’!” Must feel so great to be perfect!

I’m working on it. ;)~

Anyone else has free will and choice to be all they wish. Good or Bad. And I have the choice of not allowing any man into my life that chooses being Bad.

I know who I am. I’m a good person. My heart is genuine. My conscience thrives on being legitimate… for only good and best intentions. My Daddy raised me with standards that I have never forgotten… despite his occasional… “Do as I say… not as I do” events in his own life.

Trust me. He’s over on the other side… laughing at me right now! He knows! He knows.

You may manage to find your way inside. I can promise you that will be your greatest challenge in your life… after my hard fight with getting through this divorce.

But that never means you’ll stay. It’s your choice for how you handle your part that determines such.

And when you hurt me… when you betray me… when you choose to do physical damage to me… or… within the perimeters of the relationship that cause it to end. And especially when you choose to behave downright nasty through the exit…

Yeah. You can count on me showing the world who you chose to be in my life.

But as far as any healthy relationship that is thriving between myself and my partner… THAT is when I am more than pleased to confess being selfish with my choice of privacy.

The first reason why I choose to behave in such manner… believe it or not… is out of respect for my partner.

If you can’t figure out when I lose respect for a partner… go back to the first post of this blog and catch up.

Yes. The boundaries are there. And reciprocity keeps all that goodness healthy.

I am a Giver. Granted… this past year has dealt the toughest fight I’ve ever experienced. But this has only overhauled this lady.

Getting into my castle… behind those walls that were only made three times stronger after this divorce… will never be anywhere near as easy as before.

My willingness to give as much in the process of initiating… not so plentiful anymore.

Lately… I find comfort in going back to the good old-fashioned ways of how a Gentleman should take the lead… and how he should honor the gift God gives him… with every breath he takes… if he wishes to receive it all back ten-fold.

The older I become… the more I come to figure out exactly what I do want in my life… what I don’t want in my life… and what I will not allow into my life. Turtles cannot lay the number of eggs to keep up with the growth of my strength… determination… and my will.

All this is definitely connected to my personal choices for all that I hold dearly from within a relationship with a man.

So… my answer is No.

You will never witness this blog exposing everything I may share with a partner. But I can say this. While I may throw their evil deeds out to the universe for cleansing as I go through all this healing… I am diligent about owning my own faults that I can understand would have been a contributor.

If… and when… I miss owning a fault of my own… you can be sure it is only due to the absence of communication needed for making such aware to me.

So… for those of you pulling feathers out of your butts over my last post… you can stop now!

Some Journeys Go Around The Holidays

I’m at a point in my life where my trust in anything and anyone… has been absolutely shattered.

I’m feeling safer by just being alone at this time.

I’m not even capable of responding to messages on the Internet from any guy I don’t even know. Honestly… he’s better off if I don’t respond.

There is no telling what may be loaded in those darts I throw.

I’m really going through a lot of deep diving in this journey right now. The process has its days when sorting can be quite overwhelming. Issues surface from out of left field… totally unexpected.

But you can’t heal until you address the wound.

I have warned people before. I am raw honest. This is my journal about my journey.

Over the course of my life I’ve been forced… manipulated… even conned into holding back… in so many ways… for so many shallow-minded… mean… selfish reasons… by many people.

What have I learned from all that so far? I’m learning how to avoid putting myself in those scenarios.

But for now… this is my turn. And there’s no holding back from purging anything.

So put on your seatbelt.

Because today I’m talking about… sex.

Serious subject for me. I don’t take it for granted. And I have put a halt to me being taken for granted in general. But even more-so… with sex.

I communicate some really deep emotions through sex. For me… it is making love. I’m saying ‘I love you’… in the deepest way possible.

Having your child… was my way of saying how much.

Yeah. Missed the message. Didn’t you!

Well. I tried.

Sex is not part of some daily routine for me… like Pilates… Yoga… Jogging… or some other daily exercise.

Yeah. I don’t do the Quickie before heading to the grocery store… or the races… or a family dinner… or even before going out dancing. I might be looked at… or maybe even touched on my arm like a feather enough to make us forget about going to the grocery store. And the only thing possibly happening after getting dressed and before going out dancing might be a couple shots.

Just sayin’. Gotta catch us, first! lol

But.. no. Sex is not a glimpse in my book.

When you’re having sex with me… you need to understand that I am telling you this is not just some date with me. I am letting you know that my feelings for you go deeper than just dating. I’m letting you know that I want to have an exclusive relationship with you. I’m telling you that I love you. And I’m letting you know that I want to fall in love with you.

And if that’s too deep for you… feel free to go find a more shallow… pond!

Promises don’t count anymore. Too many men have broken promises to me.

Noooo. Actually… the pathetic truth in that statement is… I have not had sex with every man that’s broken a promise to me.

Been a long time since I’ve even been around any man that can be trusted by his word.

My two marriages were quite… dynamic… in their own special way.

My first marriage… I ended up having sex with multiple partners. The man I was married to… and whatever friend he invited into our bed with us each night.

Jim Beam… Johnnie Walker… Jack Daniels… whatever. And that crap got old… really quickly.

Believe me… saying ‘I love you’ was… far from anything I had to say to any of them. Most of the time… it was… “Goodnight.”

Ask him! Oh wait…. he probably will not remember. There were nights we did and he still thinks we didn’t. What else can I say?

My last marriage… I have no idea what to even say.

Okay. Let’s try this. I never got a fair chance to start saying, ‘I love you.’

Yeah. Almost 18 years.

Reconstituted Virgin I am!

Shut up. I AM being nice. You weren’t there.

I had a post come through my feed somewhere (I hop around like a cricket on my breaks) earlier this week… asking a question.

“If you could go back and do one thing in your life… what would it be?”

My first thought was…

“I’d go ahead and follow through with my plans… that night I changed my mind and decided not to go out to Scruples on the night before Thanksgiving, 1991.”

Back then… everybody that was living out of town always came home for the holidays.

The true love of my life was hit and killed while trying to cross the street to get to his pickup after walking out of Scruples that night… actually, around 12:30am Thanksgiving morning.

Everybody had practically crawled over each other… three years prior… to get to me and tell me he was getting married… two weeks after I came back home from California. Of course, I knew the truth about why and all. And she had to live through the truth… which had to be difficult. He had free choice. I loved him that much. And yes. It hurt.

I ended up having to move out of town. I could not go out anywhere with friends… without him being there with her. To be expected. Small town. But when I’d walk inside a place… he’d forget she was even there. He even pinned me in the hallway to the bathrooms one night… while she sat at a table seeing everything. I couldn’t allow that.

Some of my words… “No, Skippy. I will not let you do this to her.”

He made the 4-hour drive to come looking for me one weekend. Found him and one of our friends on the dam. Drunk… bleeding. Tony’s truck torn up. They’d hit some elder lady’s car on the dam. I insisted we keep driving to the house… where I called his brother. Left a message. By then… I’d heard about rumors she was going around town spreading… things I was supposed to be doing around town… while I was living over 200 miles away.

I’ve always known. I’m just that damn good. Ya’ know? Right. (smdh)

I wasn’t about to give her anymore fodder. She’d done well enough on her own. I knew they were going to jail. I knew his brother would come bail them out.

What I didn’t know was… he was coming to find me… and tell me the divorce had been filed. None of his so-called ‘friends’ ever bothered to call and tell me anything then… despite having the toll-free number for my shop.

Remember… this was winter… 1991. Did we even have cellphones then?

I found out later… the divorce was supposed to be final on Thanksgiving Day.

But I woke up Thanksgiving morning, 1991… made coffee. Walked outside to take the dog out to go pee and get the newspaper. Came in. Poured my cup of coffee. Sat down with the newspaper. Opened it to Page 2.

I do not remember much about my life from that morning… Until January 1992. I do remember nothing making sense. I remember feeling as if my presence on this planet no longer made any sense.

Jen and I back in California. Living with my birth parents. I decided to go to school to become a state certified Animal Health Technician. They’re strict in California. You can’t get in with experience, alone.

This was supposed to be the thread that would keep me hanging on. It didn’t turn out that way. But that’s a whole different chapter about my survival.

I lived with guilt… for DECADES. Thinking I could have saved him… if only I had gone ahead and gone out to the club that night.

It was 2007. I was washing dishes. Thinking about Skip. The guilt sent me into tears. This pain never went away. Something I just never could quit thinking about. It happened a lot. But on this particular day… something different happened.

I heard my Daddy. “Baby. It wasn’t your time to go. You understand?”

After all those years… he showed me the reality I had never even considered. He decided it was time for me to know the truth… 16 years later.

I would have gone with Skip. Who would take care of Jennifer?

And then I realized… it was my Daddy that put that sick feeling in my gut that made me change my mind that night. Overwhelming guilt in my head about leaving Jen with Mara to babysit. But he did it to save my life. And he was worried about Jennifer as well.

I don’t know why it took so long. Maybe it was Skippy’s request. With all the wisdom and understanding I have now… that would make perfect sense. And I guess I would deserve it.

Wanting me to hurt as much as he loved me. So I could finally see… he really did love me. He really was faithful to me. He wasn’t screwing around on me… like all the other guys I watched doing to their wives and girlfriends when I drove to Matagorda for the weekend.

I sabotaged that relationship with the love of my life… out of fear. If all the other guys were cheating… why should I believe he was being a perfect angel for me?

The truth is… he was. I just did not have any self-confidence to believe I was worth being loved that much… in the very way I always wished and hoped for. Forget loving myself. I didn’t even know myself. I’d never been allowed to know myself freely. Teresa was already shoved down in her little pinky toe.

But just as I’m writing this post… I’m realizing… my Daddy came to me with the message around the time I… finally confessed to my… new-ex… out loud… the fact that I would not be married to him… if Skip were still on this planet.

The longer I think about that question… I would go even further back in time… for that one thing I would do over again in my life… if I could.

Skip knows exactly what night I’m talking about. To have all the knowledge I have about life and spiritualism today. To get the chance to go back to that night. Everything in my life would take that road God intended.

Skip’s over there with my Daddy now. He knows everything as well… just like my Daddy. And he’s very well aware that I’ve never made it any secret to anyone close to me that knew him.

He was the love of my life. I would have had another dozen kids with that man. And he tried! He fought me with the birth control!

You couldn’t put crazy past Skippy Bullard! That is God’s honest truth! Anybody still living who knew him will verify!

But today… life is what it is. And just knowing the truth is enough for both of us. It has to be. We can’t go back.

Still… here I am. But everything changes as I move forward in this journey. I learn more about who I am… and what I no longer have to put up with. What I no longer have to fear. What I no longer have to settle for. What I have every right to receive for all that I give. And when I’m pushed… I push back.

I deserve love in all the best ways… for all the right reasons.

I deserve my love to be accepted in all its forms as truth and with complete understanding.

Unfortunately… trust… will be the most difficult challenge for any other man to earn from me and build with me… before making it through these castle walls that protect me.

Now you see why I’m prepared to be alone?

At least I’m honest.

*** Interesting reading about the meaning behind the card I drew after finishing this post. (Click Here) to get there.

Game Over – Betrayer Loses

This post goes out to a particular person. And you know who you are.

I went to bed last night, needing medication to help calm me enough so I could sleep… after going in and finding your cold… frozen message.

For quite a while now… I have needed answers. Nothing was right. Nothing made sense. Who was this person leaving these messages?

You are not the man I know. And that was verified for me this morning (click here).

I now know I’m being protected by Archangel Raguel. He knew all this needed to make sense for me. He knew I deserved to know the truths.

Because you make absolutely no sense to me… anymore. Not as you are. Not as you choose to be. You are not your true self. And you know this. You struggle to run from yourself. You hide from your own truth.

Your loss. Not mine.

Knowing even the worst of circumstances gives me back my power. I can now move forward… using all my strength in more positive and productive areas of my life.

And I am.

I will not sit in Hell with you. After this morning… you can choose to exist there. But you will do so without me. She will never be me. And you also know this.

You know who I am. Remember? “You are the one.”

Your words. Not mine.

As I’ve said to you before… “Wish in one hand. Piss in the other. See which warms your heart faster.”

You chose to run. You chose money… over that love your very own soul craved.

Ask yourself. What does that say about you?

You found that love. But now you choose to lead with your ego… rather than your heart. You choose to defy God’s plan. You choose to lose… everything.

I did my part. I fought. I fought for us. You chose to destroy… with your ego. I would be wrong to fight any longer. That would make me the Idiot you have chosen to become.

I know better. I will always answer to God first… before I ever fall into Hell with you. You have now put yourself into a position where you will have to crawl out by yourself… without me.

The question is… will you have the courage?

I doubt you. You’ve given me every reason.

Because I will NEVER come to you… ever again. I do not acknowledge cowards who choose Hell. Who choose ego over heart. Who choose money over a Queen. Who choose greed over God.

Archangel Raguel intervened. He knew I deserved a full… completely honest explanation. He led me to the Light Worker in the link above. I have never come across her before. Nothing happens by accident.

She read you like a book. You make no sense. But everything she shared in that reading makes perfect sense.

Not only did you refuse to handle what is your responsibility. You put on one more of many masks to impress those around you. Cruelty upon the last person that deserved such from you.

And you know this. That’s the worst part. Isn’t it?

Now I know why I have been hearing such strange things from so many other readers… all in sync… same messages. They all talk about your drinking. God knows there has been too much pain in my life caused by drinking already.

Like I said… I’m being protected.

You are a sad state of affairs… by your own choosing. You betrayed me. At the very least… I am disappointed in the person you have chosen to become.

I deserve better. And I have all the faith in this universe… to believe Raguel and all the other Archangels will bring to me the real man I truly deserve to experience love with.

Meanwhile… I am enough. I am content in my own love.

Where I lack faith… is in you. You betrayed my belief in you. You betrayed my faith in you. You betrayed my loyalty. You betrayed my heart. You betrayed my love for you. You betrayed my kindness. You betrayed my gentleness. You betrayed everything I am.

All because I loved you.

From my two dancing partners, now two of my Angels watching over me.
I love you Skip and Daddy.

Now… I can breathe.

Always Thankful and Grateful!

Today is Thanksgiving Day in America. The holiday tends to have a quirky nonsense to me anymore. For one thing… the Commercialism of the holiday has become shamefully insane.

I’m grateful for the years in my childhood when I was able to actually enjoy watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It’s not worth bothering with the few minutes buried under all the television commercials anymore. Sad. Disgusting. Really disgusting.

But importantly… Every day is a day of Thanksgiving in my life. I never let a day pass without giving thanks and expressing my gratitude. So many reasons to feel so thankful and grateful. Feelings that should never be ignored.

But out of respect for the holiday… I have put a few little ‘extras’ into the dinner I’m preparing. My first Thanksgiving after Divorce! Ha!

Cornish Game Hens… rather than Turkey. Common any day of the week in my kitchen. But to honor the main Character on the table for the holiday… I scheduled specifically.

I even prefer these over chicken. They add so much more flavor to Chicken Salad! (Ha! Beaten out by the little girl!)

My apologies to all you chicken farmers… but it’s true! You’ve dumbed down the flavor. See if you can fix it. ORGANICALLY… please. Then… we can talk! Lol

I made my bread dressing! This year… I get to make it… my way. Oooooooooooooh!

Fresh Spinach… steamed in butter!

You don’t bring that canned, or, Cool Whip crap in MY house!! Carlie approved! A huge dollop from one of those beaters hit the floor! LOL

I’m making Pumpkin Custard dessert… instead of Pumpkin Pie. Again… making it… my way. AND… I get to put roasted pecans over the whipped cream. LOL

Homemade Cranberry Sauce. And this year… I got to follow the recipe. Because TERESA likes the squeezed orange juice AND the cinnamon! Lol

Candied Yams! Yessss! My sauce… my way! Doubling up on the Marshmallows!

They’re in there. Under all that butter!

I can hardly wait!

Wine. My favorite Go-To for casual. Barefoot’s Pinot Grigio! It’s a Girl Thing… made by Girls!

Of course… my guest won’t be having wine.

She’ll be having Apple Juice!

Cornish Game Hen(s). Did you catch that earlier?

One for me… One for Miss Carlie! Completely de-boned… of course! But she gets all the other dishes right along with the main entrée!

Yes. I’m having Thanksgiving Dinner with my Basset Hound! She lives here. She’s family. She’s here. She’s included!

I’m thankful for her presence. I’m grateful to her. Over these past few months… there have been times of being lost in tears when Carlie has been here for me.

It’s like… she knows. She’ll come out of her crate in the bedroom and just… show up. Lays her head on my knee.

So yeah. I’m having Thanksgiving Dinner! And I have family here! And I can feel the presence of my Daddy and all the others over on the other side as well. Oh, the memories of all those Thanksgiving Holidays at Grandma and Grandpa Casteel’s little bitty house!

Anyway… we two girls… are going to flat-dab… pig out!!

And we should always take time out of our busy days… every day… to sit and take inventory of those particular blessings that fill our hearts with the love that gives us happiness.

Life is just way too short. We should never settle for less… or compromise whatever… or whomever… gives us that feeling as if our heart is just bubbling over with happiness.

Each of us is one soul that is responsible for ourselves. We are the ones who get to decide what makes ourselves happy. Just as I have learned… I am the only author of my story.

And we fall against the grain when we allow others to take that power from us. We cheat ourselves out of so many more blessings intended for us in this one short life on earth we’ve been granted.

Be thankful. Be grateful. None of us is ever alone. And Family isn’t defined within a box.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Full Moons and Castles

I opened up my Line account, yesterday. Had to open a new account. I named it TeresaMarie. Same name I had given one of my castles that I left behind when I quit playing Clash of Kings.

The app tried forcing me to go collect some pin number from my ‘other device’ before I could have my original account back.

That would be… two cellphones behind my life. I’m not even sure I still have the damn thing.

This request… from an android app. Amazing. Maybe I should go back to school and learn some tech geek… formalities. I’d be ahead of the game… with common sense.

We’re about to receive another Full Moon. Reaches our area at 8:34 am eastern time in the U.S.A. on Tuesday. This full moon is packed with more than the usual. Click here to gain a bit of insight.

We had a beautiful day today. We’ll have rain before I find my pillow tonight. We’ll have snow when I wake up. Welcome to East Tennessee. Ha!

I’ll be staying inside all day while it snows… having fun with more sewing! I like the fact that I’ve learned to set my boundaries when it comes to discussing all I am doing with my passion.

Which means I’m not sharing much. ;)~

I’m spending just as much time learning from other sources. There are so many special techniques that are necessary for all that I have in mind. I’m one who values the time I put into anything I do. So it only makes sense that I give it all the very best possible.

This is about… Me… my goal… My individuality. And this is on my terms.

Does this mean I’m some Control Freak? I can answer this honestly.

I am the first of all humans uncomfortable in the presence of my flaws that create dysfunction with others.

I haven’t pinpointed the exact moment when that flaw took a serious turn onto a more appropriate path. But I do know this. The opportunity was at the top of my list for my journey of reclaiming myself.

Said opportunity came once my divorce was final. Please take a moment and just… let that sink in.

“Why would she have to wait until….. Ohhhhhhhh!”

Yeah. I know. Be glad you weren’t the one having to wait.

Appropriate boundaries. This is about choices and decisions in my life that belong to me. My wish for a specific goal pertaining to my passion for sewing is one good example.

When it comes to relationships with my grown children… I am in need of separating myself from their lives at this time… in order to have a fair playing field for working on setting my own appropriate boundaries. A huge part of reclaiming myself.

Works differently for others… I guess. I don’t know. I only know this works for me.

I’m hoping my children will find interest in taking time to examine their own issues. There is a better chance with me out of the picture. Of course… we all have free will. Whether they take that opportunity… or not… is up to them and none of my business.

On the same token… the work I’m putting into my own self… is none of their business. Their opinions are none of my business… and vice versa.

I’m only responsible for myself today. And I am taking care of myself.

In simple terms… I have no desire to live the rest of my life as some mangled up friggin’ mess!

As for a love relationship with a partner… do I really need to say? Okay. For anyone that has not been around…

I am not ready.

And I have to be honest. There is only one soul on this planet that would even stand a remote chance in Hell. He’s nowhere to be found.

And he is neither of my two ex-husbands. Trust me.

It hurts. I don’t know what to do with it. I’m trying. It is a work in progress. Covering it in therapy. This man has affected my heart like no other man ever has.

I could win the damn lottery. And it would not come anywhere near affecting me as much as this… profoundly deep-thinking… ever-so-guarded man with a damaged heart holding sensitivity more delicate than rice paper.

This is a situation that only spiritualists… Empaths… Light Workers… Healers and such… would completely understand.

I am an Empath. Click here to read up.

Empaths seem to be delicious bait for Narcissists. Let me just put that out there. Click here for some great information on Narcissists.

Here on earth… we can release ourselves from each other… and vice versa. However… when The Devine has made the plans… He never fails. He sticks to His plans.

One way… or another… you will end up from Point A to Point B… which only He has decided upon. And His Divine Timing reigns over your schedule in life, as well.

In other words… whatever you try to fill your life with outside His plans… will be turned on its head. Nothing else will bear fruit. If your intuition has not moved you in line with Divine Timing for certain events… look out! He’ll make it happen. He will come in and toss your little apple cart upside down right before your eyes.

They call it a ‘Tower Moment.’ I have put myself through numerous attempts to walk away. I have faced these Tower Moments every time I have attempted to walk away from all feeling and emotions for this man.

I think both of us are very stubborn. I think it’s because we are so protective over our hearts. Because we’ve been hurt so many times. So deeply.

This New Moon and Mercury Retrograde passing through right now… has put me through Hell. The readings. I had to stop going to YouTube for any readings for Libra and Gemini.

Mystic Witch Tarot… I truly trust her. She helps me with my personal journey… as an individual.

Opal Oracle… Raaji! She is so awesome. She gets down to that Mother Earth Understanding and alignment with the Universe. And you really need some deep intellect to keep up with her.

Gemma at Gemstone Tarot… Daily Collective. The Collective refers to everyone in general. I can handle this right now. Gemma offers the astrological common sense core feel for us all. And she’s funny as all get-out!

Lucy at The Channel of Love… focuses on the twists and turns between Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine Twin Flames. She goes through her readings in Story-form. Her perspective has helped cool my jets… so many times.

All the others had me twisting like a pretzel… until I went into my own cards. You must be very careful when you begin plugging in to all those readings. And recently… legitimate Readers have busted some plagiarism. On most occasions… I will refuse to listen to any reader that already has cards laid out in placement.

I lean on God and The Universe. And before any church-goers begin coming at me like alligators… I’ll make a deal with you. You stay in your lane. I’ll stay in mine. And we’ll be just fine.

This is my blog. It is a tool that helps me in my healing. I get to share what I choose. Your opinion is none of my business. And I respectfully request that you keep your opinions in your own pockets.

I have found an even closer relationship with God… since going into Tarot. And I have seen the difference with an even deeper gift of Discernment. I am blessed much more by free will choices… rather than all the mental and emotional conditioning that has been bleeding all over this planet.

Just follow the money. “The things they say… just to fill up that damn offering plate!”

I lean on God. I lean on The Archangels. I lean on The Universe. I believe in them all… for protecting me and guiding me.

I will stand beside them… before standing beside you… no matter who you may be.

‘Nuff said. Back to the topic.

I know which path I am supposed to take. I am fine with this. I can wait on Divine Timing.

I have plenty to keep me busy preparing. And I am moving forward.

Still…

I feel him. He comes to me. That Mental Telepathy. He knows. He’s always known. And he knows how to use it.

The tables are turned now. That damn game. He knew how to contact me outside Clash of Kings. I gave him everything.

Some people are probably thinking right now… “If he wanted to contact you… he would.”

Well… Yeah. You think I don’t know that? I know this better than you. Because he’s done so in the past.

But I also understand Divine Timing. I understand there being reasons for separation. I understand the concept of both of us being on our own journey. Both of us being guided through lessons and healing… before God decides the time is right.

Imagination? No. You have to feel what’s going on inside you without any self-inflicted provocation. That’s called The Knowing. Unexplainable feelings and emotions that overwhelm you. You can be in the middle of doing anything… cleaning house… working on a car when it just comes out of left field.

It’s him. That’s when the telepathy kicks in. That’s when I can feel him. At times… I have to stop whatever I’m doing. The feeling becomes so strong.

And yes. I answer. With love.

I miss him.

I miss those conversations when we were both present… at the same time. Seeing those words typed… back and forth between each other.

I miss the fun we had. Turning typed words into food fights… and water hose fights… and cooking in the kitchen.

He described so well… the two of us sitting on a blanket… out in the sunshine… eating frozen yogurt. I could see us.

We shared time talking about other things. I choose to keep those between us… for him.

Okay… I still say I could cook a steak better than him.

Just to be clear… nothing in the gutter existed. We have some really nasty… vulgar pigs on the internet. But this man….

This man is way above that.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me see so many things from a different perspective. It made me want to learn more from his perspective.

I loved talking with him. Because he showed me I was worth being trusted to know some of his troubles. I’m forever left feeling so honored that he felt that safe and comfortable with me.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me see the difference between a caring man… and a twisted narcissist.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me believe I can do anything.

I loved playing Clash of Kings with him. Because he was the one that helped me find my own strength and power. So many values in life are what this man shared with me… reassured me that a man can be capable of maintaining self-respect… dignity… honor.

He showed me so much of himself in that damn game.

I learned about loyalty through the game… from him. Because he showed me at the expense of his own loss of power. He honored me with a deep secret about his true authentic self.

He was gentle with my concerns… my wishes. He would wait until I slept… before going off around the kingdom to do his attacking of other castles to regain his power. Never in front of me. Never while I was awake… sans the Conquest.

Yeah. I knew! But I wasn’t about to spoil all that fruit!

Always protective over me… in a game. And through a game… this man showed me the best of his heart and soul. Because of everything I learned… I know there are things about his life he has kept from me… to protect me and keep from hurting me.

Because that’s who he is.

I miss talking with him… because I had to learn that he was too damaged and caged up with fear… from being so undeservedly hurt.

I miss talking with him… because I was in such a blind rush with wanting to show him deserved love that he was in no shape to handle.

He hides in a castle… just like me. A safe place from any further hurt and pain.

His castle… much larger than mine.

His Drawbridge… much stronger with an even stronger lock than mine.

His moat… He knows I can’t swim.

And I refuse to drown… knowing everything I’d be taking with me.

My intention for this Full Moon… the day he comes to my castle and yells for me.

Like me… he cannot swim. Yes, that would be one of the good misfortunes we have in common. LOL

But I would know it is him. And I would drop whatever I may be in the middle of handling… and set down that drawbridge before my second breath.

November Punches Hard!

Mercury in Retrograde… until November 20^th. Crap happens. I just roll with the flow. Put one foot in front of the other and fix whatever gadgets try to give me grief.

But one aspect I’m really going through Hell trying to keep a reign on would be… emotions. MY God, the sensitivity is ridiculous.

I leave the house to take care of business. And that’s the limit to getting out there in the social world.

Beyond that… I am socializing with my sewing and embroidery machines. I take an occasional break to go get my belly laugh from a few friends in Facebook.

I’ve made time for learning new techniques from some very gifted seamstresses on YouTube… one in particular… Bernadette Banner. Click here to visit her YouTube Channel!

I can listen to her for hours. And I am learning so much. Our project interests are very different. Yet… she is a walking library of techniques that can be applied to any form of fashion sewing.

I appreciate her efforts and kindness of sharing to no end!

This weekend was that weekend… swapping all the summer clothes out for the winter apparel. I sifted both… summer and winter. Like other items I’ve given away… I’ll be setting these out for local folks that can use them.

I’ll need to pick up another clothing hanger to set outside. Throwing clothing out on a sidewalk mindlessly in boxes is just not productive. Seems rather cold and heartless. Not in my DNA.

I’ll hang pieces up on the hanger, set it out on my sidewalk… and make it easier for them to choose. A laminated note will be hung… asking for hangars to be left behind so I can add more items when there is more room.

November planetary segments have me scattered. My healing… my feelings… my emotions. All so overwhelming at this time. I feel this way one minute… I feel that way the next.

It’s difficult… when you know you’re running from your own truth… because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. Because you feel there is no other choice.

But then… it feels like you’re in this friggin’ battle with your own damn heart. And it carries some really heavy punches.

I stay busy. It’s all I can do. I keep myself handling several things at once… deliberately. And I think about my boundaries.

Old boundaries that I’m having to remember. Two in particular… lol

Give me a break! Almost 18 years of… legal marital union (insert sarcastic tone) is a long time. Okay?!

I don’t do married men. And I don’t share. End of THAT conversation!

But new boundaries are developing… compliments of the lessons learned from that experience… as well as the one that has me soaking my T-shirts… still.

Maybe I just need to get it all out of my system. I don’t know.

That’s the worst part. I. Don’t. Know.

Telepathy and mind reading are two very different energies.

What I do know is this. Anybody can ‘say’… nothing. And anybody can ‘say’… anything.

Anybody can claim to love you. And you can learn their words are cheap.

Actually… my garbage is more valuable. It costs me $9.00 per month for the city to pick it up.

Ahhh…. But I’m willing to pay the price. My garbage going in the correct place is important enough.

What does that say about me? I am willing to put the action behind my words.

Because that’s who I am. When I’m given the opportunity.

How do I feel about the lacking of one particular opportunity?

You might be my soulmate…

But all the mental telepathy in the world will never be what wins me over by itself.

So far… I really like these new boundaries.

And then I go to my cards to draw a message from the Angels that they want to share with this post.

The Third-Eye Chakra card (click here) in the Angel Therapy Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue.

My mind is just blown away. My question is answered. Solid verification.

I prefer working on my goals with a smile, anyway! lol

“Thank you Angels!”

Releasing The Fixer

I’m being shown the necessity for me to learn more in releasing my obsession with wanting to be The Fixer for those I love.

I’ve found the whole process has been so much easier for me to gain a stable hand with loving understanding… when it comes to my children.

I think that ease may come from knowing they’re younger and assuming they have much more time in their lives to gain their own wisdom in the journey.

However… there comes a bittersweet acknowledgement of knowing… that assumption is such a high risk. The unexpected death of a child gone way too soon is something that will always tear down that dam and bring on those mournful tears that soak my T-shirts.

And that is where… almost sitting parallel on my table of thoughts… I find how I still need more time to hone my release of being The Fixer for whomever I have chosen to commit my heart as a life partner.

To love… truly and deeply… is to only want a vision of never seeing them in pain. That goes for anyone I love… my children… friends… family. The YOU I carry in my heart.

Somehow… a need is so strong for wanting that power to look them square into their eyes… and remove all that pain for them.

If only it were so easy… to gaze deeply into their eyes and set their world so perfectly as they wish. Send one tiny star to ignite all the happiness. Another to bring on the laughter and joy. One more to fill their entire being with my endless love that belongs to only them.

There is a reason why we call our time on this planet a journey. Each of us has to seek and find at our own pace. That’s how we learn how to completely absorb each and every facet to all the lessons in front of us for gaining fulfillment we all deserve in our lives.

To be The Fixer… is to cheat the other person.

Just for example…

Hand a kid $100.00 for no reason every week… no words exchanged. That is your intention… anyway. In time… let’s say 6 months… they would become capable of conning you into fronting them the $100.00 intended for the next 3 weeks to come… within only 2 weeks.

Am I lying? I mean… seriously.

Come the 3^rd day of the first week of the next month… they’re back again for another advance. What behavior do you think is going to show up… when you choose not to be The Fixer… and say, ‘no’?

They throw fits. They ‘hate your guts’! They can’t find enough vulgar pronouns to spit at you. They start spewing lies about you to others… fishing for a sucker… if you really want to get honest here!

Kids are smart… and stupid!

Eventually… once you’ve chosen not to be the obstacle in their way of their journey to learning all the lessons from that scenario… they get to choose how much asphalt they like eating… before they finally learn the lessons.

One way… or another… the lesson is there waiting for each of us. And one way… or another… we will learn the lesson. Because ‘God Always Gets The Last Word.’

And… “Daddy ALWAYS wins!”

Helloooo!!

As for not being The Fixer for the one my heart belongs to… I have to learn to stand back. Let them get there at their own pace. To get in the way with even good intentions… only brings confusion… frustration… anger… one huge boulder in their path.

That only extends the amount of time they have to endure before their gifts are seen through the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want him to see me standing at the end of that tunnel. I want him to discover… that strong thread of love I’ve been sending from my heart to his all this time… leads right to everything he’s been running from… searching to find.

Finally… we’ll be on the same page in life.

Only then… can 2 equally-minded souls iron out the plans… and the kinks… taking steps forward only when both are ready.

Only then… will both of us be able to feel… all that awesome stuff that shows up when everything is rolling on the same path.

My only personal wish at that point is… I hope it happens on a Harley!

Because… This Girl will never bend outside of Harley’s and Chevy’s!!

Period. End of that conversation!

Yeah… I know. I’m driving a Kia Soul. I wasn’t allowed to choose in 2015.

Drop it! Go have a great weekend!

** The card I drew after putting this post in place… #25 “Round and Round“… from Colette Baron Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle Deck.

You can read it’s meaning by clicking here.

Dirty Laundry

It’s raining this morning. I can barely hear it hitting the house. And the goosebumps are driving me nuts!!

Oh, my gosh… I will NEVER live in another house with a tin roof! I have fallen back in love with composition shingle roofs.

Even Carlie notices. She didn’t quite know what to think when I opened the front door to let her outside. Been a while since we’ve had any rain here.

Thank God… no more need to dish out the yogurt to her… laced with CBD drops!

Rough weekend for me. I’m grateful for its passing.

Emotions everywhere. Crossroads. Do I let go? Do I not? Sobbing… soaking my T-shirts. Anger… frustration… hurt… pain… fear. The Full Monte.

But when the end of Sunday approached…

I watched WaterBaby Tarot’s Libra reading for Oct. 12^th – 21^st… before my routine of writing down things I’m grateful for… just before I go to bed.

BEST way this weekend could ever have closed out!

Thank you so much, Lady!

The reading reminded me of something I figured out such a long time ago.

Many people ridicule my raw openness and honesty. “Such an idiot… throwing all your dirty laundry out there to the world!”

Yeah, right. Truth is… you only THINK that’s ALL my dirty laundry! ROTFLMAO!

Uh-huh. You know what they say about people in glass houses… right?!?

Anyway… she reminded me of how I came to my conclusion behind my choice of being so open and honest. Not only with myself… but also with the world.

The secret… Okay. Alright. So there can’t be a secret in this. Anyway… The bright light bulb (is that better?) sits behind my personal relationship with God. This is a strong subject in my life.

And the Queen of Swords comes out to defend on this one… very solidly. I live to protect my relationship with God.

God knows me better than anyone else on this planet. And at the end of the day… He will be the one I answer to when I leave this life on this planet.

Nobody else.

He already knows the path I’m headed down. He’s already decided when my time will come for the end of my journey.

He already knows what’s inside my head and heart… before anything comes out of my mouth.

He knows all my feelings. (Think twice, now… there is a difference from the sentence above.)

He knows I’m not perfect… I’m human. And THAT makes me perfect in His eyes. He knows I have faults. He knows I make mistakes.

He knows my struggles inside my mind and heart.

Since God already knows all this… who cares about everybody else in this world throwing stink bombs… caused by their own choices of not diving deep to see all the convoluted conditioning shoved into minds for money?

The fact that they haven’t taken the time to figure it all out… that’s their problem. Not mine.

Again… follow the money. Those damn money mongers.

So… why hide anything?

You can’t hide from God, Silly!

Why fight and deny all the struggle on the inside?

It takes more energy keeping all that crap caged up in a heart and mind. My cartoon imagination gives me this view of God… sitting in a lawn chair… watching someone tangle with all this crap inside. Trying to fight it all… run from it… hide… deny… fear.

And God just sits there… watching. One leg crossed over the other. Foot bouncing up and down. Shaking his head gently… side to side. Grinning.

When those truths and feelings are all about positivity that can bring happiness… no barking negativity from anyone else on this planet matters… when you have The Number One King on your side.

Learning this… practicing this… brings so much light into my world.

Yes. Crap will always come around. This is not about building some cannon to rid the world of evil. It’s about finding the truth you can depend on… for where that safe place exists… where you are more than welcomed to become your own true self.

I remember growing up… LOL… have you ever been around somebody that looked you in the eye and said… “You’re not God!”

Ha! Guess what… That would be me.

And… if anybody is choosing to remain snarling at me for… ‘throwing my dirty laundry out there’… why are you so afraid to learn something from my experiences that just may free up your own world?

I do this out of kindness and love.

What’s wrong with giving kindness and love?

Who’s really the confused soul here?

Just sayin’.

My world is free. God knows when I love someone. God knows when I’m feeling hurt… angry… frustrated… confused. There’s no reason for me to hide anything.

Confusion… is my worst challenge. I’m a Libra. Balance. Truth. Honesty. I live with the goal and wish to do only the right things in life… according to what God intends for my journey.

My goals… come easy. My wishes… can be a challenge. And for me… God knows I will go to fellow Light Workers and my own cards to find His messages for me.

I will dig deep… deeper… as deep as need be… until He gives me that feeling in my gut and the peace in my whole being.

He knows me. He knows I strive to do and be the best of all good… for my highest good… and the highest good of all.

I have no qualms about loving someone. When that person is a good soul… worthy of love… why not?

My purpose in life includes sharing in this blog. Somewhere out there… a soul on this planet needs the support and encouragement. They’re seeking the same truth.

This world is upheaving all the evil that’s been brewing underground… this very moment. God is taking the reins! He’s getting the last word! And it’s going to be nothing less than good!

God bless Greta Thunberg!

There is hope. This is kindness.

We all need a hand-up with understanding… and acknowledging… the reality of all that’s going on in this world right now.

How about offering some reciprocity… by spreading some kindness of your own!