“What cannot be said will be wept.”  ~Sappho

I struggle this day.  Though I’ve learned the tools for remaining centered… for the highest good… of not only myself… these days will come.  Following through to the end on a promise… which binds me until next spring… really puts my patience to a test.

Wishes and dreams manifested. They have free will on the other end of that bridge.  Faith… The Spirit… Archangel Michael… so leaning on each of them on this day.

It takes all my being to remember who I am.  When I make a promise… seeing it to the end is to see all of me that I wish to be.  In this life.  In this world.  In my heart.

This is me.  My heart.  For myself.  But especially… for whomever I choose to give my heart.  On every level.  Past… Present… Future.

The not knowing.  That’s when I just want to crawl up into The Spirit’s lap.  Needing that comfort.  That assuredness from a Being who truly knows me… my heart… my wishes… my dreams.  The eyes I seek.

Balance.  I must be who I am… and who I will always be… at all times.

By doing so in this moment… I am proving my love.  Past… Present… and especially… Future.

I am becoming who I am… from the lessons I’ve learned… as recent as… this moment.

I will love.  I will be kind.  And I will remember… it’s been made clear to me.  The Divine Spirit has already mapped out everything for me… on the other side of that bridge.

I’ve always believed… the best experience you can have with going through therapy… is when you’re willing to get honest with yourself… first.

I’ve learned so much in this tumultuous year of 2018.  My experience… wow.  To everyone else… there has been the appearance of someone not doing much of anything.  But inside my mind and heart…

Let me just draw this picture.  It’s been no different than standing on the top of the mound at a dump… and hand-sorting through all that crap.

Emotions have been nothing short of taking breaks to ride on an old wooden rollercoaster that’s never had any maintenance… freezing up somewhere on the track… crying and losing it while pushing the cars back to the starting gate.

Finally… reaching a point of seeing truths.  Owning what’s actually… my garbage.  Getting angry enough to start throwing a lot of other garbage back in the laps of others… who honestly own it.  Remember now… this is taking place inside my mind and heart.

No.  I don’t go around throwing garbage. Anywhere!  I’ve simply learned how to recognize my own garbage… and refuse accepting garbage that does not belong to me.

Yes… others become agitated… left standing there to deal with their own… okay…. stuff.  I walk away feeling lighter… and… free.

Somewhere in the process… I found… okay… yes… extra room in my head.  But just as much space in my heart.   I also found strength.  And I found ease in… dealing… with only my… stuff.

And then comes this real truth of a twisted feeling… like that adrenalin that spills over into your blood and gets you out of bed at 2:30am in the morning to go push planes out… on the tarmac… in 3-degree Fahrenheit temperatures.

You want more.  Seriously.  It happens!  Anyway… step by step… I have looked forward to using my own space for my own… stuff.

Early this year… I found room to begin considering all the little things in life that Teresa enjoys.  For example… Onion.

I like onion in a lot of food.  But others don’t like onion.  So… no onion goes into the food.

But then I realize… I’m the one cooking all this food!

Guess what… if you don’t want onion… you have choices.  You cook.  Or… let’s see… There’s McDonalds… Hardee’s… Taco Bell… Subway… a few others.  Take your pick!

Teresa likes onions.  Teresa’s cooking.  Teresa gets onions!

It’s called… Self-Love… Self-Worth… Self-Care… Self-Respect…. Healing.  Not exactly in that order.  But… anyway.  It all comes together for my highest good… happiness!

And kindness… without co-dependency.

Being kind also includes encouraging others to handle their own… stuff.  So… Be kind to yourself… and others!