I doubt I’ll ever forget all those feelings that came erupting to my surface… once I realized I was looking at Teresa standing all alone… what seemed like… miles and miles behind me.
“What have I done? How did this happen? Why would I allow this to happen?”
Love. I realized… In my struggle to survive… just how addicted I had become… to giving of myself to all others… with hopes of all that I am being cherished by those receiving my gift.
And had I been accepted… respected… loved in return? Yes. For all I could do… for others. For just being… me? No.
To be Teresa meant doing for Teresa. Placing Teresa into the grand scheme. Doing so took away time devoted to others. Life began becoming uncomfortable for others.
Convenience is who I’d become. And when I awoke that morning and chose to go reclaim Teresa… Convenience began disappearing… much to the discomfort felt by others.
Anger began showing up at my feet. I began stepping over the piles… defending my own wishes… wants… likes… preferences… for once in my life.
My gut was full. And I cannot describe the amazing feeling of… truly not even giving a damn if it made anyone else feel… uncomfortable… for a change.
Perception takes a hit… from both sides… at this point. But here… we are talking about my journey.
A freedom I have never felt before.
My next step… to hone in on that freedom. Doing so without anger… defiance… retaliation… and all those other dark emotions.
I’ve since found my way to accomplishing that. So know this. It is possible. And it can bring a sense of wholeness that we all seek in life.
Have you ever gotten your gut full of giving and giving… until you just have no more… of anything… to give… to anyone?
Take time to sit in stillness… the quiet… or… some place that calms you. Take time to give to yourself. Love yourself.
Because YOU are love. You deserve love. Love comes in millions of other forms!
A Quad Vente’ Latte’… a day in the forest… baking loaves of bread while nobody else is in the house… listening to soft music. Dancing to songs you loved through all your years of growing up… when you’re home alone. A soak in the tub… with bathsalts… or… bubbles!
Love yourself today! Be kind. And… remember to be kind to yourself. YOU are just as real as anyone else!
My Morning's Heart 