Spiritual Awakening – My Morning's Heart

And I Made My Decision

The alarms on the clocks sound from my Kindle and my phone. A new day arrives after making a decision before bedtime last night.

I chose walking away.

I know me. I know my heart. I know my conscience. I know the kind of love I am capable of giving. But I also know the kind of love I deserve.

And beginning today… I will love me.

I rise for my usual morning routine. My bed is made. I dress. Carlie gets her tone collar put on before being let out for her morning constitutions. Her breakfast is prepared… soaking in hot water to make its ‘gravy’ that she loves.

The usual brushing of my hair and teeth. Then… I grind fresh coffee bean and set the pot brewing. That soft ‘bark’ at the front door. Carlie comes back in and heads for her breakfast after removal of her collar.

There is something about the smell of a fresh cup of hot coffee before the sun even begins to rise. It’s like… “Good morning!” And just taking a few moments to absorb how it makes me feel… makes me ready for my next couple of hours.

I’m into my daily guidance on YouTube… listening to Tilly’s daily reading for today… when I have to pause. Carlie’s finished breakfast. She won’t let the world continue until she gets her cookies.

Tilly’s reading is finished. I move on to Gemma’s reading for the day… followed by Uriel’s reading for the weekend.

It’s amazing how all three women cover all aspects of life in their own way. Light Readers are gifted with their own unique guidance.

I’m so comfortable… thankful… and grateful for how I’ve come to rely on these three women for offering me a peek into what I can expect for the day… what guidance I need from The Divine, the Angels and The Universe.

Fanny is my Go-To for my monthly guidance as an individual. Still… I gain those daily steps from the other three earth angels!

But it was my own readings I did last night… through Colleen Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of The Oracle and Lucy Cavendish’s Dragonfae Apps (apparently, no longer available in Google’s Play Store?)… that led me to my final decision.

The rest of the day will include more study for a couple hours into the subject of my main goal in life… as well as the current tasks I’m in the middle of handling. Daily household duties requiring my attention around the house will be completed. And my evening will be free for planning my weekend.

I always pay attention to how my entire body feels after making decisions like this. There is a sense of peace that covers me. Reminds me of a baby’s face… just after entering this world and resting on Mom’s chest… eyes open and looking up at her… so quietly and relaxed.

All the locks at the Dam of Tears seem to have been shut down and not a drop releasing.

And for the first time… I feel what I had manifested long ago… when I experienced the first round of pain that took me too close to a cliff’s edge that nobody really wants to ever see.

I wanted to think of Alan… and feel nothing.

I needed to feel nothing. I know me. I have fought a part of me for a very long time now.

There is no man or woman on this planet worth ending your life over… just to feel nothing.

Yes. It’s a war inside one’s self. This was the worst war I’ve fought.

Many battles with hope… faith… that loyalty I tried hanging onto for dear life… for only all the right things that have been allowed to exist inside my heart.

My Castle Doors slammed shut. Several times. That Drawbridge lifted and locked tight. That Moat filled to the brim and loaded with a fresh herd of every kind of sea animal that would eat a man or woman without leaving a bit of evidence.

And still… I remained willing to meet halfway… to reopen negotiation… with him.

It’s exhausting. But this morning I can wake up and say… “I truly gave it my best.” At least I know I tried.

But this is not my loss. He gets to own the loss.

And he will never know all that he lost. Little does he realize… I never showed him all of me. I’m not that naïve.

They never see the best of me… until they’ve given me the best of them.

I win. In the end… I get to have Teresa.

Forever a Milestone for Me – 2019

Deep lessons I learned this year, which came with great sacrifice and loss. But compensation was taking back my power and finding Teresa.

I can only pray for others that no longer understand me and/or want to be around me… and hope life and the universe bring them around to choosing to heal themselves.

I love them all. But the cycles needed to stop somewhere. Cleansing needed to begin somewhere.

One man wasn’t my only problem. I brought my own issues to the table. And there were others involved.

Adult children in this country need to wake up and look at themselves. I’m not alone when I say this. I’m hearing parents of grown children everywhere saying the very same thing.

It blows my mind. It breaks my heart. For all of us.

None of us is perfect. We never reach any particular age and know it all. Learning never ends for any of us… including parents.

The fork in the road led me to two choices of paths. I took the better road. They don’t know. I was one hair away from checking out. Nobody would ever get to have me ever again… if I couldn’t have myself.

So there. I chose hope.

I learned we all asked for this experience of Life on this planet. We had to get here some way. God made a way. All He expects is for us to be guided until we become adults.

I learned nobody is perfect. Many fail at being guides. There is no manual.

But we all get a second chance. It’s called becoming an adult.

That’s when we have the freedom to choose seeking healing to exude that unique soul inside each one of us… that we bring to this life… and take with us when we leave.

Until every one of us finds that healing… we will never have that reunion. And ‘We’ is every soul on this planet… especially families.

I learned about real love.

I found real love in me.

I learned TRUTH.

I learned how to become free from being mentally conditioned… manipulated… controlled.

I witnessed hope in a 16 year old young lady that set this world on its toes… as she traveled all around the world… lighting fires in hearts that DO CARE… EXPECT TRUTH… DESERVE TRUTH… EXPECT CHANGE… DESERVE CHANGE… for the HIGHEST GOOD OF ALL.

Greta gave me courage. Strength. Hope.

And speaking of…

Strength. Self-Worth. Value. Fair Boundaries. Peace. Tranquility. Balance. Happiness.

Goals I have reached!

I pray this hits home for so many others. If you’re hurting… Seek an Empath. Seek a Spiritual Healer. Seek a Reiki Healer. Google the words. You’ll never regret it.

Learn the TRUTH about Tarot. It saved my life.

Happy New Year, everyone!

2020 is gonna be so awesome!

*** “Serendipity” – Card #18 from Wisdom of The Oracle Deck by Colette Baron-Reid. (Click here) to read the meaning of the card.

Full Moons and Castles

I opened up my Line account, yesterday. Had to open a new account. I named it TeresaMarie. Same name I had given one of my castles that I left behind when I quit playing Clash of Kings.

The app tried forcing me to go collect some pin number from my ‘other device’ before I could have my original account back.

That would be… two cellphones behind my life. I’m not even sure I still have the damn thing.

This request… from an android app. Amazing. Maybe I should go back to school and learn some tech geek… formalities. I’d be ahead of the game… with common sense.

We’re about to receive another Full Moon. Reaches our area at 8:34 am eastern time in the U.S.A. on Tuesday. This full moon is packed with more than the usual. Click here to gain a bit of insight.

We had a beautiful day today. We’ll have rain before I find my pillow tonight. We’ll have snow when I wake up. Welcome to East Tennessee. Ha!

I’ll be staying inside all day while it snows… having fun with more sewing! I like the fact that I’ve learned to set my boundaries when it comes to discussing all I am doing with my passion.

Which means I’m not sharing much. ;)~

I’m spending just as much time learning from other sources. There are so many special techniques that are necessary for all that I have in mind. I’m one who values the time I put into anything I do. So it only makes sense that I give it all the very best possible.

This is about… Me… my goal… My individuality. And this is on my terms.

Does this mean I’m some Control Freak? I can answer this honestly.

I am the first of all humans uncomfortable in the presence of my flaws that create dysfunction with others.

I haven’t pinpointed the exact moment when that flaw took a serious turn onto a more appropriate path. But I do know this. The opportunity was at the top of my list for my journey of reclaiming myself.

Said opportunity came once my divorce was final. Please take a moment and just… let that sink in.

“Why would she have to wait until….. Ohhhhhhhh!”

Yeah. I know. Be glad you weren’t the one having to wait.

Appropriate boundaries. This is about choices and decisions in my life that belong to me. My wish for a specific goal pertaining to my passion for sewing is one good example.

When it comes to relationships with my grown children… I am in need of separating myself from their lives at this time… in order to have a fair playing field for working on setting my own appropriate boundaries. A huge part of reclaiming myself.

Works differently for others… I guess. I don’t know. I only know this works for me.

I’m hoping my children will find interest in taking time to examine their own issues. There is a better chance with me out of the picture. Of course… we all have free will. Whether they take that opportunity… or not… is up to them and none of my business.

On the same token… the work I’m putting into my own self… is none of their business. Their opinions are none of my business… and vice versa.

I’m only responsible for myself today. And I am taking care of myself.

In simple terms… I have no desire to live the rest of my life as some mangled up friggin’ mess!

As for a love relationship with a partner… do I really need to say? Okay. For anyone that has not been around…

I am not ready.

And I have to be honest. There is only one soul on this planet that would even stand a remote chance in Hell. He’s nowhere to be found.

And he is neither of my two ex-husbands. Trust me.

It hurts. I don’t know what to do with it. I’m trying. It is a work in progress. Covering it in therapy. This man has affected my heart like no other man ever has.

I could win the damn lottery. And it would not come anywhere near affecting me as much as this… profoundly deep-thinking… ever-so-guarded man with a damaged heart holding sensitivity more delicate than rice paper.

This is a situation that only spiritualists… Empaths… Light Workers… Healers and such… would completely understand.

I am an Empath. Click here to read up.

Empaths seem to be delicious bait for Narcissists. Let me just put that out there. Click here for some great information on Narcissists.

Here on earth… we can release ourselves from each other… and vice versa. However… when The Devine has made the plans… He never fails. He sticks to His plans.

One way… or another… you will end up from Point A to Point B… which only He has decided upon. And His Divine Timing reigns over your schedule in life, as well.

In other words… whatever you try to fill your life with outside His plans… will be turned on its head. Nothing else will bear fruit. If your intuition has not moved you in line with Divine Timing for certain events… look out! He’ll make it happen. He will come in and toss your little apple cart upside down right before your eyes.

They call it a ‘Tower Moment.’ I have put myself through numerous attempts to walk away. I have faced these Tower Moments every time I have attempted to walk away from all feeling and emotions for this man.

I think both of us are very stubborn. I think it’s because we are so protective over our hearts. Because we’ve been hurt so many times. So deeply.

This New Moon and Mercury Retrograde passing through right now… has put me through Hell. The readings. I had to stop going to YouTube for any readings for Libra and Gemini.

Mystic Witch Tarot… I truly trust her. She helps me with my personal journey… as an individual.

Opal Oracle… Raaji! She is so awesome. She gets down to that Mother Earth Understanding and alignment with the Universe. And you really need some deep intellect to keep up with her.

Gemma at Gemstone Tarot… Daily Collective. The Collective refers to everyone in general. I can handle this right now. Gemma offers the astrological common sense core feel for us all. And she’s funny as all get-out!

Lucy at The Channel of Love… focuses on the twists and turns between Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine Twin Flames. She goes through her readings in Story-form. Her perspective has helped cool my jets… so many times.

All the others had me twisting like a pretzel… until I went into my own cards. You must be very careful when you begin plugging in to all those readings. And recently… legitimate Readers have busted some plagiarism. On most occasions… I will refuse to listen to any reader that already has cards laid out in placement.

I lean on God and The Universe. And before any church-goers begin coming at me like alligators… I’ll make a deal with you. You stay in your lane. I’ll stay in mine. And we’ll be just fine.

This is my blog. It is a tool that helps me in my healing. I get to share what I choose. Your opinion is none of my business. And I respectfully request that you keep your opinions in your own pockets.

I have found an even closer relationship with God… since going into Tarot. And I have seen the difference with an even deeper gift of Discernment. I am blessed much more by free will choices… rather than all the mental and emotional conditioning that has been bleeding all over this planet.

Just follow the money. “The things they say… just to fill up that damn offering plate!”

I lean on God. I lean on The Archangels. I lean on The Universe. I believe in them all… for protecting me and guiding me.

I will stand beside them… before standing beside you… no matter who you may be.

‘Nuff said. Back to the topic.

I know which path I am supposed to take. I am fine with this. I can wait on Divine Timing.

I have plenty to keep me busy preparing. And I am moving forward.

Still…

I feel him. He comes to me. That Mental Telepathy. He knows. He’s always known. And he knows how to use it.

The tables are turned now. That damn game. He knew how to contact me outside Clash of Kings. I gave him everything.

Some people are probably thinking right now… “If he wanted to contact you… he would.”

Well… Yeah. You think I don’t know that? I know this better than you. Because he’s done so in the past.

But I also understand Divine Timing. I understand there being reasons for separation. I understand the concept of both of us being on our own journey. Both of us being guided through lessons and healing… before God decides the time is right.

Imagination? No. You have to feel what’s going on inside you without any self-inflicted provocation. That’s called The Knowing. Unexplainable feelings and emotions that overwhelm you. You can be in the middle of doing anything… cleaning house… working on a car when it just comes out of left field.

It’s him. That’s when the telepathy kicks in. That’s when I can feel him. At times… I have to stop whatever I’m doing. The feeling becomes so strong.

And yes. I answer. With love.

I miss him.

I miss those conversations when we were both present… at the same time. Seeing those words typed… back and forth between each other.

I miss the fun we had. Turning typed words into food fights… and water hose fights… and cooking in the kitchen.

He described so well… the two of us sitting on a blanket… out in the sunshine… eating frozen yogurt. I could see us.

We shared time talking about other things. I choose to keep those between us… for him.

Okay… I still say I could cook a steak better than him.

Just to be clear… nothing in the gutter existed. We have some really nasty… vulgar pigs on the internet. But this man….

This man is way above that.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me see so many things from a different perspective. It made me want to learn more from his perspective.

I loved talking with him. Because he showed me I was worth being trusted to know some of his troubles. I’m forever left feeling so honored that he felt that safe and comfortable with me.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me see the difference between a caring man… and a twisted narcissist.

I loved talking with him. Because he helped me believe I can do anything.

I loved playing Clash of Kings with him. Because he was the one that helped me find my own strength and power. So many values in life are what this man shared with me… reassured me that a man can be capable of maintaining self-respect… dignity… honor.

He showed me so much of himself in that damn game.

I learned about loyalty through the game… from him. Because he showed me at the expense of his own loss of power. He honored me with a deep secret about his true authentic self.

He was gentle with my concerns… my wishes. He would wait until I slept… before going off around the kingdom to do his attacking of other castles to regain his power. Never in front of me. Never while I was awake… sans the Conquest.

Yeah. I knew! But I wasn’t about to spoil all that fruit!

Always protective over me… in a game. And through a game… this man showed me the best of his heart and soul. Because of everything I learned… I know there are things about his life he has kept from me… to protect me and keep from hurting me.

Because that’s who he is.

I miss talking with him… because I had to learn that he was too damaged and caged up with fear… from being so undeservedly hurt.

I miss talking with him… because I was in such a blind rush with wanting to show him deserved love that he was in no shape to handle.

He hides in a castle… just like me. A safe place from any further hurt and pain.

His castle… much larger than mine.

His Drawbridge… much stronger with an even stronger lock than mine.

His moat… He knows I can’t swim.

And I refuse to drown… knowing everything I’d be taking with me.

My intention for this Full Moon… the day he comes to my castle and yells for me.

Like me… he cannot swim. Yes, that would be one of the good misfortunes we have in common. LOL

But I would know it is him. And I would drop whatever I may be in the middle of handling… and set down that drawbridge before my second breath.

Dirty Laundry

It’s raining this morning. I can barely hear it hitting the house. And the goosebumps are driving me nuts!!

Oh, my gosh… I will NEVER live in another house with a tin roof! I have fallen back in love with composition shingle roofs.

Even Carlie notices. She didn’t quite know what to think when I opened the front door to let her outside. Been a while since we’ve had any rain here.

Thank God… no more need to dish out the yogurt to her… laced with CBD drops!

Rough weekend for me. I’m grateful for its passing.

Emotions everywhere. Crossroads. Do I let go? Do I not? Sobbing… soaking my T-shirts. Anger… frustration… hurt… pain… fear. The Full Monte.

But when the end of Sunday approached…

I watched WaterBaby Tarot’s Libra reading for Oct. 12^th – 21^st… before my routine of writing down things I’m grateful for… just before I go to bed.

BEST way this weekend could ever have closed out!

Thank you so much, Lady!

The reading reminded me of something I figured out such a long time ago.

Many people ridicule my raw openness and honesty. “Such an idiot… throwing all your dirty laundry out there to the world!”

Yeah, right. Truth is… you only THINK that’s ALL my dirty laundry! ROTFLMAO!

Uh-huh. You know what they say about people in glass houses… right?!?

Anyway… she reminded me of how I came to my conclusion behind my choice of being so open and honest. Not only with myself… but also with the world.

The secret… Okay. Alright. So there can’t be a secret in this. Anyway… The bright light bulb (is that better?) sits behind my personal relationship with God. This is a strong subject in my life.

And the Queen of Swords comes out to defend on this one… very solidly. I live to protect my relationship with God.

God knows me better than anyone else on this planet. And at the end of the day… He will be the one I answer to when I leave this life on this planet.

Nobody else.

He already knows the path I’m headed down. He’s already decided when my time will come for the end of my journey.

He already knows what’s inside my head and heart… before anything comes out of my mouth.

He knows all my feelings. (Think twice, now… there is a difference from the sentence above.)

He knows I’m not perfect… I’m human. And THAT makes me perfect in His eyes. He knows I have faults. He knows I make mistakes.

He knows my struggles inside my mind and heart.

Since God already knows all this… who cares about everybody else in this world throwing stink bombs… caused by their own choices of not diving deep to see all the convoluted conditioning shoved into minds for money?

The fact that they haven’t taken the time to figure it all out… that’s their problem. Not mine.

Again… follow the money. Those damn money mongers.

So… why hide anything?

You can’t hide from God, Silly!

Why fight and deny all the struggle on the inside?

It takes more energy keeping all that crap caged up in a heart and mind. My cartoon imagination gives me this view of God… sitting in a lawn chair… watching someone tangle with all this crap inside. Trying to fight it all… run from it… hide… deny… fear.

And God just sits there… watching. One leg crossed over the other. Foot bouncing up and down. Shaking his head gently… side to side. Grinning.

When those truths and feelings are all about positivity that can bring happiness… no barking negativity from anyone else on this planet matters… when you have The Number One King on your side.

Learning this… practicing this… brings so much light into my world.

Yes. Crap will always come around. This is not about building some cannon to rid the world of evil. It’s about finding the truth you can depend on… for where that safe place exists… where you are more than welcomed to become your own true self.

I remember growing up… LOL… have you ever been around somebody that looked you in the eye and said… “You’re not God!”

Ha! Guess what… That would be me.

And… if anybody is choosing to remain snarling at me for… ‘throwing my dirty laundry out there’… why are you so afraid to learn something from my experiences that just may free up your own world?

I do this out of kindness and love.

What’s wrong with giving kindness and love?

Who’s really the confused soul here?

Just sayin’.

My world is free. God knows when I love someone. God knows when I’m feeling hurt… angry… frustrated… confused. There’s no reason for me to hide anything.

Confusion… is my worst challenge. I’m a Libra. Balance. Truth. Honesty. I live with the goal and wish to do only the right things in life… according to what God intends for my journey.

My goals… come easy. My wishes… can be a challenge. And for me… God knows I will go to fellow Light Workers and my own cards to find His messages for me.

I will dig deep… deeper… as deep as need be… until He gives me that feeling in my gut and the peace in my whole being.

He knows me. He knows I strive to do and be the best of all good… for my highest good… and the highest good of all.

I have no qualms about loving someone. When that person is a good soul… worthy of love… why not?

My purpose in life includes sharing in this blog. Somewhere out there… a soul on this planet needs the support and encouragement. They’re seeking the same truth.

This world is upheaving all the evil that’s been brewing underground… this very moment. God is taking the reins! He’s getting the last word! And it’s going to be nothing less than good!

God bless Greta Thunberg!

There is hope. This is kindness.

We all need a hand-up with understanding… and acknowledging… the reality of all that’s going on in this world right now.

How about offering some reciprocity… by spreading some kindness of your own!

The Journey Begins

Okay… Here we go! Thanks for joining me! I am looking so forward to taking this ride. There are so many changes happening in my life. And I must say… 2018 has been an incredible churning of events that have brought me to where I am at this time, in my personal journey.

There was a morning when I woke up and… I’d had a dream. I’m walking forward… looking backward… seeing myself standing all alone… way far behind. This was my true self. I had left myself way back in the day… years ago… putting everyone else… everything else… in my sight where no more room remained… for Teresa.

Before finishing my first cup of coffee in the morning… I was ready for taking a stand… fulfilling a goal. It was time to push all the clutter to the side and… Reclaim Teresa!

I’ve learned so much. What I have received has been such a dynamic reason for looking forward and feeling inspired to learn all that awaits for me on my path.

Come join me! Giving others the opportunity to learn from my sharing is one of my hopes and pleasures. Who knows WHAT you may learn for your own journey! Wouldn’t that be awesome!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton