Spiritual Healing – Page 3 – My Morning's Heart

When You Just Know

Back when I was living in Maryville, Tennessee… I loved going to Metro Pizza. I live too far to head there on a weekly basis… like I would have done… had I been divorced then.

Sal. I adored him! He’d sit at a table with his beer… while he let his ‘students’ practice all he’d taught them. Yeah… beer. Ha!

I struggled with eating my Calzone while keeping one eye on him. I liked paying attention to him. He was funny! He was VERY charming! And I could tell… he was very wise.

I’d love the chance to sit and talk with him right now. I’d drive him crazy with questions. I think the first question would be, “Tell me, Sal. What were the difficulties of your life in Italy that pushed you to cross oceans and come all the way here to this gluttonous nation?”

I have no idea what the details would be. But… I’d bet on relating to the core in the body of his childhood.

This is something we all have in common… no matter where we come from… no matter where our childhood existed.

If one removes labels… removes status. Imagine us all as humans that become adults walking out of this enclosed courtyard… through giant wooden doors that fit castles… to venture out into the open world that we’ve been gifted. If we all become honest enough to look deeply and long enough… we’d discover PTSD in each and every one of us… on some level or another.

Geographical circumstances bear no difference.

It’s difficult when you are a human being that has taken the time to deal with your own. Taking that journey to find your truth… reclaim yourself… stand in your power that you’ve removed from the hands of others.

The challenge is incredible… treacherous… painful… even frightening. The ultimate accomplishment sits inside mustering up the courage… to jump off many cliffs… just to feel the solid ground under your feet.

Getting to the other side of it all… priceless AND precious.

Welcoming those mornings of waking up to feeling peace… joy… excitement… gratitude… thankfulness… love. All being gifted to yourself… before you take that next breath that will set you off to sharing with anyone else on the planet and into the universe.

It’s called Self-love. The reward for healing the inner-child… so you can fulfill the other half of the universe’s intention. Sharing all that love you have… to give… and receive… with a partner in life.

This world conditions us with so many restrictive and negative nonsensical ‘rules of engagement’ for being a human being. The truth behind it all… Just follow the money and follow the history. Some things never change. And too many generations have never been trained to consider the fact that manipulative practices have existed since Day One. The difference is… the last word that God always gets… is always good.

God has tried cleaning up the mess until He’s blue in the face. He tried the flood. He sent Jesus. You never saw Jesus shoving an offering plate in everybody’s face. But he sure knew how to stretch a few fish and loaves of bread among the multitudes sitting right there at His feet. And he never got a day off to go to Belize.

God even tried throwing in the Book of Revelations. (That’s been twisted from a father’s fair warning into a solid telling of the future… also for the sake of that offering plate) by churches… who preach that fortune telling is a sin… from one side of their mouth… while shoving it down your throat that you better get under the covers with their church because everything in Revelations is prophesized as a definite event… coming out of the other side of their mouth.

Think about that one.

Did you ever experience… one day in your life as a child… when your father told you… “I want you home by 7pm tomorrow night… because I’m going to take you to an inch from your death.” ????????

Now… correct me if I’m wrong. But I believe father’s practiced fair warnings from the time you could crawl. “Don’t touch that. It’ll burn your fingers.”

“I’ll smack your fingers if you touch that plug.”

“I’ll whip your butt if you break a window in this house.”

“I’ll leave your butt in jail, if you get stupid enough to put yourself in there.”

IF….

Beyond the Book of Revelations… I think God has given us free will to choose killing each other off. Are you seeing this truth, yet?

Think about that. I need to get back on topic.

We all end up with a little bit of PTSD coming out of childhood. Every family has their own closet filled with skeletons. No escaping that. Because we’re all human beings.

And nobody is perfect.

Our hope lies within ourselves. Finding that one thread we can pull… that will begin to unravel all the nasty woven conditioning that has robbed us from being able to recognize and reunite with our true authentic self…. The absolute secret to finding the path of love… to heal our inner-child… so we can love ourselves… and others. So we can feel safe about choosing a prospective life partner that we want to fall in love with… share reciprocity.

My journey has taken me to so many answers. So much clarity. So many rewards. Peace. Calmness. A loving heart without lack of trust. Courage. Strength. Finding my value. Standing in my truth without fear. Knowing and honoring what is best for me. Living my life for the highest good of all. Serving others.

That last one is a very difficult one for me at the moment. Painful.

To reach this side and get a good taste of it all. You only want to help someone else get a taste of it. But…

What do you do… when you know in your heart… there is a particular person that has absolutely no reason not to trust you… believe you… feel safe enough to just unload everything crossing their mind into your lap while you just listen?

What do you do… when you just know? You’ve put yourself in an imaginary scenario where you’re forced to make a choice. And you can actually claim… without a second thought… “Yeah. I could do it.” You would die for them.

But they’re too afraid to stop running from having to feel anything in that safe haven.

I’ve been on both sides of the fence.

And right now… I’m leaning on my favorite slogans I learned in Al-a-teen.

“Let go and Let God.”

“One Day at a Time.”

“Teresa… are you referring to the man you’re divorcing?”

Are you joking? I would have to be out of my ever-loving mind to do something like that. I’m getting out of a marriage that’s been more dead than The Dead Sea for over a decade.

NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Never again. NOT happening. He is in God’s hands.

I choose living in my truth.

I pray. I breathe… while standing in faith. I send my love through the universe. And I wait for them to catch up in their own journey. I stand firm in believing and trusting God’s seeing to it that they do so. Because they… truly… deserve to feel love and happiness.

“This… or something better… now manifests for me… in divine… appropriate timing.”

(Thank you, Colette!)

The Ashes are Stirring

This morning has been overwhelming in the area of emotion. Listening to Tarot with Tilly… her upload for this morning’s collective reading… everything I was experiencing in the morning began making perfect sense.

Right off the bat… resisting Alan. I could feel him thinking of me. And for the first time… I didn’t want to feel that.

The tears just overwhelmed me.

This resistance coming from inside me felt so strange. It was confusing. Resisting and sobbing at the same time. Yet… I welcomed both.

Lately, I’ve been very withdrawn. Deliberately. I’ve needed time alone. I know I’m going through a strong period of time in my life where I’m shedding my skin… releasing all those in my world that have not been for my highest good. Those that have only entered moments in my life when they needed something from me. Those that have always expected my presence in their lives and giving them the support they need. When the end result has been… they have never been there for me in return.

You know who you are.

It is true… you can count your true friends on one hand. I love you, Deb. This shoe I’m throwing this morning does not fit you.

And I love… and thank God for my Aunt Judy and Uncle Danny.

I could not figure out why I found myself moving around the house… doing things… setting up dishes to wash… clearing tables… unpacking… organizing… while just sobbing the whole time.

And then it dawned on me. I recognized EXACTLY where I was standing… while living in my now. I realize why I am here in this solitude… withdrawn… going within to be with my inner-child… while I deal with this divorce and all the loss.

I’ve been here before. It is my safe place. But it is a different place in my eyes and heart this morning. Because I see a LOT of ‘house cleaning’ that I need to do.

There is another whole level of healing in this safe place for me to tend. Healing before cutting cords… to honor courage… knowledge… truth. Standing in my own… rather than succumbing to the opinions of others.

Total disregard of my own choices… desires… wishes… decisions… everything I feel is best for me. So many years of subjecting myself to allowing others to force their own onto me. Many times being left behind to suffer terrible consequences… while they walked away.

No more. It comes to an end. I feel driven to Shed that damage… and come out on the other side with Strength in all the goodness that makes me who I really am… The Soul nobody has ever bothered to dig deep and discover.

I’ve learned through Tarot that there are cords which connect our existence in the now… all the way back to our childhood. In my case… I see clearly now… where those cords grew very thick in my marriage. Looking further back… I see the common denominator with their existence in my childhood.

I’m in my safe place right now… because I’m free to give myself the love and support… emotional contact… that every soul needs… wants… requires… deserves… to share with others. It was so absent in my marriage… same as in my childhood… and even now.

Eddie Altum was the last person to ever give me a really good hug. What… the year 2000… as far as I can remember.

The absence of reciprocity… looks like some sewage reservoir that has existed as one of the most profound areas in my being… all my life.

My safe place is where I’ve always gone to hide. I could go there… when I wanted to get away from having to give anything of myself… to all others that only cared enough to take from me.

And in the case of my marriage… I woke up one morning… understanding the declaration from my heart and mind warning me… that they just did not have one more drop… to give.

I’ve come to peace with my decision of… “Fine. You have nothing to give in return? I have nothing more to give of myself to you.”

That has become a very healing truth coin I keep in my pocket.

I have gained very deep pockets. And I am earning many versions of the Coins of Reciprocity I only wish to carry.

I am a human being… before I am anyone else… to anyone else on this planet.

And Dane Hart is absolutely correct. “It is my right to live my truth and NOT have it affected by ANYONE else.”

Yet… when that well of giving begins to swell again… it craves finding someone… to give to. So willing. So able. So tender. So damaged. So blind.

But all that giving lands… once again… in the lap of… desperate takers. Filling their boredom… entertaining their ego… who knows.

But this woman no longer cares. Everything… is changing. That sewage reservoir is disappearing.

She can have her own feelings of love for others… and protect them from those very souls. Refusing to give all that love to them… to keep them from taking it.

Taking all she is… and all she has to give… for granted. Abusing it… giving nothing in return… walking away until… they need from her again.

Devastating and destroying the God-given goodness… of the soul from which they merely robbed.

No more. Never again. Not even my Spiritual Twin-Flame will cause me any further hurt and pain. I’ve reached the point of resisting… with more than enough strength… from that very first clench in my heart… caused by him thinking of me.

You want a war honoring your Selfishness? You got it. Whomever you may be.

And you lose. Because right now… my level of selfishness is way too strong for you to conquer robbing me of all the love I feel inside.

And that’s why… I feel so comfortable and safe in my place of solitude and healing. The ashes are stirring. Strength grows there. And there is nothing… and nobody… that will ever succeed getting inside there… ever again.

I am all mine.

I will come to the other side of this. But this time… Any strength in me seen before by anyone… will amount to bread crumbs… compared to what is rising inside me now.

I will no longer… need… anyone… to love me. I will be enough love for me.

I ALREADY AM enough.

Looking Deep for Love Inside

I made a run up to the Little Pigeon River and made the loop around Cades Cove a few days ago. I needed to blow out some cobwebs and clear my heart and mind. Spring flowers… the flow of the water… just wandering through the trees helps.

Brings that childlike innocence of adventuring in nature back to my center. Best kind of vitamin for me.

Winter has been strange this year. Spring is looking very strange around the park. Like the feel of February.

Everything is taking it’s sweet time waking up. I was there on Friday. And I said then… that it felt like all the trees were saying we’re not quite ready, yet. Normally… we should be seeing all the greenery popping under the canopies… flower buds preparing to burst open.

Sunday morning… sure enough. Coming back from town I could see all the snow on the mountains.

But even the mountains seem to possess that same little secret I’ve used for a survival tool all my life. “Even in the worst of situations… it simply takes searching a little deeper to find the good… the positive.”

The closer I got to the ground… the more hope I began finding!

Sometimes… you just have to keep searching… to find everything that lives inside you. Like a game of Hide ‘n Seek… once it sees you… the love finally lets go and brings that smile to your face and joy in your heart!

It Feels Like…

… that eighth month of pregnancy.

Patience. Waiting on Devine Timing. I think I understand the struggles of a recovering addict.

Got the job I wanted!

I start next month.

Found the house I wanted! Perfect for me! Right in town! Finally… city utilities!! Buh-bye septic! Close to my new job! Been on the market for almost a year!

Somebody puts a contract on it… the very first day I go in for training.

Three-day out-of-body experience.

Pulling feathers out of my butt. Full Monte cussing and yelling rant while pacing all around the house. The chinking doesn’t really do much for the logs. But the glass in those windows must be pretty thick.

Phase 2. Quiet and angry. At least I’m being quiet.

Phase 3. Sad.

Phase 4. Finally. The crying begins. The dam breaks. And I just let it go… feeling the disappointment pouring out. Get it out of my system so I can get back up again.

With all that’s gone on for so long… it was long overdue and I just could not remain peaceful to pacify the planet.

But I got back up.

Just as I kept going back for interviews until I got that job… I’ll keep window shopping for houses until God finally bends!!!

In the meantime… I’m repotting everything I can get my hands on. And I bring something else home to repot… every time I hit a store. 🙅

Nothing wrong with bringing something home to shower with love and kindness!😉

I’m Worthy of Acceptance of What Causes Me Pain

I guess I’m experiencing another tower moment this day. I don’t know. My morning was gifted with a heavy… heavy fog. Here we go… again.

Stepping back. Game Day for the tears. Unleash. Save the dam. Let ’em go. Just let them do whatever they’re gonna do. Get them out of my system… while I go within for some… incredibly needed… self-love and healing.

The walls are back up. That drawbridge is back up. Nobody other than Spirit… my Guides… and my Angels enter until I am healed enough to step outside my castle.

My plans are changing… apparently. And I’m okay with that. I love me. And when it comes down to the nut cutting… I am enough. And I will be perfectly okay. A little more hardness on the shell. But I’ll be just fine.

Meaning… I won’t be accepting personal phone calls… texts. Nor emails.

I’m seeing something in myself that this world will just have to accept right along with me. I don’t do ignored communications. For any reason.

I’m too tech savvy to know there’s always a way to reach someone in this century of technology. And I’ve learned way too much about crickets… and men.

Never the way to behave with me when someone asks me to do something in part of the plan.. and I do so as discussed… respond with an update… and only get crickets… for days.

This does not work. It never will. And at this point… that team plan becomes a single-sided… whatever… without me.

I’m just too kind to do this to anyone else. And that means… nobody has any right to be this unkind toward me.

Ready To… Go

“For one day soon you will step into your own stunning universe—beyond the myths, outside any limitations or predictions, far from the illusions this life invents—as you answer the call to uncover the many starlit truths contained inside your incomparable soul. You will be reborn to fresh and glorious revelations only you can carry to completion. And while all the infinite possibilities expand within, may you sing aloud, rejoicing in your new birth, no longer owned by anyone’s idea of who you should be.”

~ from Open Passages – Doors and Windows to The Soul by Susan Frybort

I don’t know about any of you… but… I am so ready for 2019. I feel as if I’ve awakened to discover 2018 has been a year that I spent carrying baggage… adding more along the way.

Like being on vacation with an overnight bag in the beginning… buying a new suitcase for packing new treasures at every place you travel to visit and explore.

But when you arrive home… you begin opening suitcases… and finding rocks. And you think back… over all that time… carrying all these suitcases. The hopes… the excitement over thoughts of how much enjoyment to come in the future… packed inside.

The heartbreak… disappointment. You concede to all the reality before your eyes.

When the miracle becomes… dumping all the rocks in a quarry… selling all those suitcases… just to spare yourself from having to look at them one more day… and closing the doors to your mind and heart to anymore thoughts of another vacation.

Shedding all the baggage that’s been nothing more than deception… lies… and absence… in return for everything you’ve been carrying.

I can only hope 2019 will be kinder… at least kind enough to help me find a way to find the lesson… so I can feel grateful… and thankful.

Because I am kind.

That Fork in The Road

Sometimes… one can go years in a marriage before realizing… there’s a fork in this road. One realizes they’re wanting to go in a different direction. And suddenly… the entire picture of life begins to look so much more brighter… simpler… happier.

Such became the case in my journey to reclaim Teresa. I reached a point where the stress in the struggle had affected me physically… to the point of taking anti-depressants… anxiety meds… and then came blood pressure meds.

Time was closing in on me. A decision to move to Missouri was racing on the calendar. And I wanted to wrap an anchor onto a pier… more and more… every day I awoke. But when the blood pressure meds came into the picture… I knew I had to sort out and find my strength to decide which direction I was going.

By then… I had so many reasons why I did not want to move to Missouri. This marriage was sucking life out of me. Moving to Missouri would isolate me even more… bringing me to my death much sooner. And I’d decided I wanted to come back alive… and live.

People grow… and change. We all do. And it’s not fair for one person to have the comforts of growing in their own journey… while expecting the other to conform… at the expense of leaving their true self way back… years behind. Time lost. Soul damaged. One thread left for hanging on.

Especially when an angel has come onto the scene… and reminded you of who… you really are. I mean… if that doesn’t bring you a wake-up call… God take you on home.

It just felt like pure common sense to make my case and ask for a divorce. I was finished with life being all about convenience for someone else… at the expense of my health… well-being and happiness.

I was scheduled to see my doctor 3 days later… for a regular follow-up. We never got through the usual routine. Being granted a divorce had my blood pressure drop… too low! My doctor took me off the blood pressure med. We expect I’ll be able to stop taking my other two meds once the divorce matters are all in the past.

Amicable. Fair. That will be this divorce. He’s just happy that I’m not wanting to clean his clock out. I’m shocked that he wants to continue raising cattle. He says they’re his kids. Nobody can take these kids away from him. Believe me. I get that. If that’s what makes him happy… I’m happy for him.

But I deserve to be happy… just as much. And I have so many reasons to feel excited about getting that chance!

Breaking away… True Self… Amicable… Fair… Truths… Self-Love… Self-Respect… Happiness… Joy… New Love… etc..

These… and many more… are all good things that each of us deserve to embed in our lives while we’re here. There is no law that says we must give up these things… for anyone else. Nor should we ever think we are entitled to snuff out those same candles in any other good soul.

Take time to examine how much of these good things you have in your life. If you find any missing… make time. Make the effort. Feed your soul with the goodness it deserves.

Remember…. you are Love. Be kind to yourself. And be kind to others.

Finally Becoming Ready For A Real Fight!

I doubt I’ll ever forget all those feelings that came erupting to my surface… once I realized I was looking at Teresa standing all alone… what seemed like… miles and miles behind me.

“What have I done? How did this happen? Why would I allow this to happen?”

Love. I realized… In my struggle to survive… just how addicted I had become… to giving of myself to all others… with hopes of all that I am being cherished by those receiving my gift.

And had I been accepted… respected… loved in return? Yes. For all I could do… for others. For just being… me? No.

To be Teresa meant doing for Teresa. Placing Teresa into the grand scheme. Doing so took away time devoted to others. Life began becoming uncomfortable for others.

Convenience is who I’d become. And when I awoke that morning and chose to go reclaim Teresa… Convenience began disappearing… much to the discomfort felt by others.

Anger began showing up at my feet. I began stepping over the piles… defending my own wishes… wants… likes… preferences… for once in my life.

My gut was full. And I cannot describe the amazing feeling of… truly not even giving a damn if it made anyone else feel… uncomfortable… for a change.

Perception takes a hit… from both sides… at this point. But here… we are talking about my journey.

A freedom I have never felt before.

My next step… to hone in on that freedom. Doing so without anger… defiance… retaliation… and all those other dark emotions.

I’ve since found my way to accomplishing that. So know this. It is possible. And it can bring a sense of wholeness that we all seek in life.

Have you ever gotten your gut full of giving and giving… until you just have no more… of anything… to give… to anyone?

Take time to sit in stillness… the quiet… or… some place that calms you. Take time to give to yourself. Love yourself.

Because YOU are love. You deserve love. Love comes in millions of other forms!

A Quad Vente’ Latte’… a day in the forest… baking loaves of bread while nobody else is in the house… listening to soft music. Dancing to songs you loved through all your years of growing up… when you’re home alone. A soak in the tub… with bathsalts… or… bubbles!

Love yourself today! Be kind. And… remember to be kind to yourself. YOU are just as real as anyone else!

New Beginnings Bring Beginnings

So much in life today struggles to encourage us all to seek good. In the maze… comes so many inspirational quotes and messages. And for me… anyway… I found myself becoming numb. They’d pass me by with nothing more than a simple… ‘okay‘… in response.

We take these beautiful words of soul saving graces… for granted. But if we pay attention to the next one that comes along our way… we receive an incredible blessing that has fallen into our lap… literally!

If we just… stop whatever we’re doing… and give 15 minutes of our swamped day… 15 measly minutes, peeps… to really soak in the intentions behind that little phrase of many that we’re always hearing… at some time or another.

There is… always… some intentional reason… for these little gems popping into our sight… or… even our mind. Whichever way they come to grab our attention. They’re a gift meant for us to receive. A nugget of gold… meant for helping us delve more into ourselves… to learn who… we… are.

And sometimes… they can even guide us to the right path… when we find ourselves at a crossroads.

It was just one of these little phrases that offered confirmation… turning me onto this path of my own personal journey to reclaim myself. That particular phrase is irrelevant in my sharing. It was meant for me. We each have our own… unique… whispers of encouragement that come to us. Intended for our own one-of-a-kind journey that our Spiritual Source (Spirit; God; I Am; Allah…etc.,) works diligently to guide us… for our own highest good… and the highest good of all.

Think about this. Each of us… is one living soul… gifted with our very own presence… in this entire… amazing… infinite universe!

What gift of encouragement floats into your own path today? Feel free to come back and share!

In the meantime… remember to be good to yourself!

The Journey Begins

Okay… Here we go! Thanks for joining me! I am looking so forward to taking this ride. There are so many changes happening in my life. And I must say… 2018 has been an incredible churning of events that have brought me to where I am at this time, in my personal journey.

There was a morning when I woke up and… I’d had a dream. I’m walking forward… looking backward… seeing myself standing all alone… way far behind. This was my true self. I had left myself way back in the day… years ago… putting everyone else… everything else… in my sight where no more room remained… for Teresa.

Before finishing my first cup of coffee in the morning… I was ready for taking a stand… fulfilling a goal. It was time to push all the clutter to the side and… Reclaim Teresa!

I’ve learned so much. What I have received has been such a dynamic reason for looking forward and feeling inspired to learn all that awaits for me on my path.

Come join me! Giving others the opportunity to learn from my sharing is one of my hopes and pleasures. Who knows WHAT you may learn for your own journey! Wouldn’t that be awesome!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton